Matt Hancock: ‘I’m Sorry I’m Not the Prime Minister’

Silicon Roundabout’s Matt Hancock spoke at the 10 Downing Street charities reception on Monday night. Guido’s co-conspirator recounts his opener:

“Hello and welcome to Number Ten.

“Firstly, I’d like to apologise that I’m not the Prime Minister… [laughter]

“But it’s an honour to address so many people who do so much, working tirelessly every day, to make life better for the citizens of this country.”

If only there was an app where we could all share these gems…

Matt Hancock Calls App Britain

They may have the Silicon chip but we have the Silicon chap: Matt Hancock. The Culture Secretary is calling app Britain – he has created a new social network where fans can keep up with his every move. It’s basically Facebook, but just Matt Hancock’s feed. Anyway, the internet is loving it:

It’s trending on Twitter, but who uses that anymore?

“So, Boris Can Wait…” Tory Karaoke in Full

Tory conference finally saw the energy and passion it has been lacking this week courtesy of the InHouse Communications karaoke night. Partygoers witnessed peak Matt Hancock as he took to the stage to sing Happy Birthday to himself, before performing a high octane duet of Don’t Stop Me Now with Therese Coffey (watch above). James Cleverly and Kelly Tolhurst attempted Don’t Go Breaking My Heart before Clevz redeemed himself with a more impressive rendition of Twist and Shout, complete with memorable hip action. Will Quince demonstrated surprising depth as he had the room hand-waving to My Way. Nigel Evans gave us Delilah, David Mundell just about made his way through 500 Miles and a Brexit-backing cross-party trio of Paul Scully, Anne-Marie Trevelyan and Ian Paisley Jnr had the room rocking to Sweet CarolineThen it was the turn of the Lobby…

Faisal Islam took great pleasure in adapting the lyrics of Don’t Look Back in Anger to belt out “So, Boris can wait” – just the latest MSM smear. Dan Hodges and Glen Owen teamed up with Number 10 Sunday Lobby specialist Kirsty Buchanan to murder Mr Brightside. An emotional David Wooding, one arm raised aloft, sang You’ll Never Walk Alone, the only time he’ll be able to do that in Manchester. The night ended with Number 10’s Richard “Tricky” Jackson nailing You Raise Me Up. Hic…

Now Hancock Gets Copeland Tory’s Name Wrong Too!

Last night Matt Hancock was unable to name Stoke Tory candidate Jack Brereton when asked by Andrew Neil. His excuse was that he had been up in Copeland…

This afternoon Hancock did the double, getting new Copeland Tory MP Trudy Harrison’s name wrong on Radio 2, repeatedly calling her Judy Harrison. When challenged and corrected by Jeremy Vine, Hancock shamelessly tried to bluff it. For goodness sake man, go to bed.

Hancock Can’t Name Tory Stoke Candidate

Poor old Jack Brereton…

Hancock-Up: Superfast Broadband’s 0% Success Rate

hancock-up

Digital minister Matt Hancock has emailed MPs to update them on progress being made with superfast broadband in each of their constituencies. It has been less than a stunning success in North Cornwall, where the £3 million funding has not been well spent:

“Your constituency is located within the Cornwall project. The project has been allocated over £3.0m of government funding for Phase 1 and/or 2 of the Superfast Broadband Programme.

In North Cornwall Constituency the BDUK scheme has made superfast broadband available to 0 more premises.

Average take up of superfast broadband in the BDUK Cornwall project area is 0%.”

Instead of sending the awkward North Cornwall email to North Cornwall MP Scott Mann, Hancock mistakenly sent it to Labour’s John Mann. Guaranteeing it would be publicised in superfast time…  

Matt Hancock: “Cock Gobbler”

cock-matt

Away from Liverpool, a screen malfunction meant Matt Hancock was forced to read an entire speech at the Radio Festival staring into the words “cock gobbler”. Apparently Radio 1 DJ Scott Mills had been playing “innuendo-bingo” on the podium before his speech which is why the message was left on the screen.

Posted without comment.

Hancock Follows Mak, Backs May

v2.mak+hancock

The Tory MP’s endorsement awaited with baited breath almost  as much as was that of Alan Mak was undoubtedly Matt Hancock’s. On Newsnight George Osborne’s former lackey last said he backed Theresa (as did Mak). Suspicion among Tory MPs is that he must have been promised a cabinet-level job for backing her. That’s bound to raise the eyebrows of those in SW1 who suspect Osborne is behind Theresa…

At Last! Automatic Union Funding Faces Axe

The reforming zeal of Francis Maude may be elsewhere post-election, but there are early signs of encouragement from his successor. Matt Hancock today announces the abolition of trade union ‘check-off’, the archaic system where union subscriptions are automatically taken from civil servants’ pay packets in a process funded by the taxpayer. Instead, public sector workers can choose to opt in to pay it and the subsequent political levy. Expect the unions to kick off, the militant PCS took Eric Pickles to court at great expense to the taxpayer when he tried to abolish check-off at DCLG. This entirely reasonable move affects 3.8 million public sector workers – at last trade union funding enters the 21st century…

The Many Faces of Matt Hancock

Matt Hancock didn’t think much of Toby Perkins’ claim on the Daily Politics that Labour want to see a budget surplus:

Still not the best Hancock TV facial expression, however:

Never forget.

Labservatives

Matt Hancock and Chris Leslie spoke as one on Channel 4 News last night:

Frei: “The only way I can really tell you apart is by the colour of your ties.”

Hancock and Leslie: [In unison] “That’s not fair!”

Do they all look the same to him?



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John McDonnell does a funny:

“I’m told there are a group of KGB colonels who are suing The Sun for associating themselves with us.”

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