So hard to keep up with modern criminology – Mark Francois’ question to Ben Wallace yesterday had him indicted in a Point of Order. The Rayleigh MP reminded the Defence Secretary that the Type 26 frigate had been delayed for a year and that it would end up costing the taxpayers a quarter of a billion pounds more. Then he asked, “Why does it take BAE systems 11 years to build a ship the Japs can build in four?”
Is BAE criminally incompetent or institutionally rapacious? The point of order didn’t ask that question. There was no opportunity to tell the House what public spirited altruists BAE are, nor was the wider scandal of contractors looting government coffers addressed. The crime that Mark Francois was indicted for was “othering”. The Labour hon. Lady said, “There has been an unexpected undercurrent of othering”. Mark Francois had “othered” them, the Nipponese. Or if that is stigmatising them, he had othered those normally and racially consonant with the land of Nihon. Unless the use of their own name appropriates their own language for our oppressive colonial purposes. It’s all very difficult. What should we rightfully say?
The Labour lady referred to “Eastern South East Asians”. Colleagues in the gallery flinched. She was dangerously close to erasing the indigenous identity of an entire island race by homogenising a range of identities into a generalised caricature. There is probably no right answer. We should just ignore them.
The amiable young officer from Queensland regulating entry to Committee Room 14 asked if HM’s Press Corps had any questions. “No! We’ve done leadership announcements before,” a sketch-writer said. “Many, many times before.”
Would this be the last for a while? Not if Penny had made the – she’s quit. Word went down the line sparking a wildfire competition. Penny’s dropped. Penniless. Penny’s in heaven. Penny’s Lame.
MPs made a late entry to the big room. Graham Brady and the other top dogs entered through the upper entrance and the gathering stilled. He spoke. “As the Returning Officer in the leadership election, we have received one nomination.” The room rumbled so loudly you couldn’t hear who had won. It had to be inferred.
Mark Francois has announced the European Research Group have been “unable to collectively endorse either candidate” following their debate this morning. He added, however, that the ERG will fully support whoever eventually wins, after both candidates took a “robust” position on the Northern Ireland protocol. Francois also revealed Rishi did not commit to spending 3% of GDP on defence. Hedging their bets…
Belated congratulations are due to the newly-married Mr and Mrs Francois, who got hitched last weekend. Chopper’s weekend diary featured a write-up of the event, including painting the picture of Mark’s congregation belting out the unsurprising hymns Jerusalem and I Vow to Thee My Country. Francois also explained how one guest – Jacob Rees-Mogg – was responsible for the happy couple meeting:
“If it wasn’t for Jacob, none of you would be here,” Francois told the guests, explaining that he only met Olivia when she asked him to arrange a selfie with Rees-Mogg.”
The guest list packed with some of British politics’ great and good, partly published in the Telegraph, would have emerged regardless of Chopper’s briefing, however. A source from Francois’s patch got in touch with Guido this morning to note that the evening do’s table seating plan has been published on the venue’s Facebook page in full:
Guido initially speculated whether the venue may have been unaware of their groom’s senior role in public life before publishing the list of luminaries. Upon further inspection that seems unlikely, given he dictated his full title on the seating plan: Rt Hon. Mark Francois MP…
Despite Brexit, it appears the ERG still has big sway over Government. Yesterday, its Chairman Mark Francois made headlines when threatening the head of the armed forces Sir Nick Carter with a visit from Cummings if they didn’t sort out their procurement procedure. As if by magic, last night it was revealed Dominic Cummings does, in fact, have plans to visit top military bases after all, including:
- Special Boat Service, Poole
- SAS HQ, Hereford
- Porton Down, Salisbury
- The Rapid Capabilities Office, Farnborough
- The Defence Intelligence Unit, Wyton
The Sydney Morning Herald, who obtained the internal communications about the planned visits, also claim Cummings has already visited MI5 and MI6 twice already.
Close up photos of Cummings arriving at Downing Street appear to show the PM’s top adviser has now finally been given top DV (developed vetting) clearance, allowing him to view top-secret files without supervision. That’ll set Cadwalladr off…
What will super forecaster Francois predict next?
Mark Francois had a stark message for professional head of the armed forces Sir Nick Carter to take back with him to the MoD this afternoon at the Defence Committee. He was not happy about continuing procurement debacles…
“Please nip back to the department and ask them to sort their bloody selves out, because if not Cummings is going to come down there and sort you out his own way, and you won’t like it.”
Select committee members scaring departments into action with the looming threat of Dominic Cummings is a new one. It could just be effective…
