Nine Year Old Enters Race To Replace Bercow

News has come to light that a very short man, perhaps prone to temper and who enjoys ignoring the advice of his elders is interested in running to be the next speaker of the Commons. It’s not John Bercow who plans on standing again, however, but a nine-year-old constituent of Michelle Donelan’s who received a letter from Oscar today asking to be made Speaker. In response, Michelle wrote, “I think it’s great that Oscar has taken such a keen interest in politics… should we give him a trial?”.

Already, the keen kid has his second MP backer, Guido can reveal, as Andrew Bridgen tells us that Oscar’s appointment “would be a definite improvement, and even a nine-year-old can spot it!”

Sadly for Oscar, only MPs can become Speaker and since The Representation of the People Act 1969 only people ages 18 and above can stand as MPs, so Guido can’t add Oscar to our Speaker runners and riders list. Although there is technically nothing stopping him from becoming ennobled and becoming Lords Speaker…

mdi-timer 20th September 2019 @ 5:08 pm 20th Sep 2019 @ 5:08 pm mdi-comment Comments
Bercow Compares No Deal Brexit to ‘Robbing a Bank’

John Bercow delivered a highly politically charged speech at last night’s Bingham Lecture, particularly hitting out at Brexiteers, and ignoring his own flagrant disregard for the constitution. The supposedly impartial speaker took the opportunity to declare that he supports written constitution, and even ad-libbed from his script to actually compare the Prime Minister to a knife-wielding street gang member. A new Speaker can’t come soon enough…

mdi-timer 13th September 2019 @ 8:49 am 13th Sep 2019 @ 8:49 am mdi-comment Comments
John Bercow to Stand Down

In perhaps the best news for Brexiteers since Boris became PM, the constitution-wrecker-in-chief, John Bercow has announced he will be standing down as speaker and an MP at the next election, following news the Tories were planning on fielding a candidate against him…

If an election passes tonight, he’ll stand down immediately. If not he’ll hang up his golden robes on the 31st October.

The man who’s done more than anyone to up-end Britain’s political institutions to suit his own aims announced his intention in the Commons just now via a personal statement, watched on by his wife Sally from the Gallery. Good riddance

mdi-timer 9th September 2019 @ 3:38 pm 9th Sep 2019 @ 3:38 pm mdi-comment Comments
John Bercow’s Next Job?

As Britain’s EU membership finally comes to an end next month, so (hopefully) will John Bercow’s miserable time as Speaker. Luckily, however, the St Helena Tourism Board have posted a job vacancy perfect for him should he be looking for a new job over the coming weeks. A Napolean impersonator…

The successful candidate will be expected to act as an ambassador for St Helena and have the ability to engage with dignitaries (which Bercow’s had more than enough practice of). Most importantly, however, Guido’s certain John Bercow’s natural attributes and Napolean Complex will be enough to ensure he gets the post…

mdi-timer 30th August 2019 @ 5:00 pm 30th Aug 2019 @ 5:00 pm mdi-comment Comments
Bercow Thwarts Duncan’s Pre-Emptive Coup Attempt

Alan Duncan’s self-congratulatory resignation as foreign minister in the middle of one of the biggest British foreign policy crises in recent times has at least achieved one thing – it’s managed to find John Bercow’s limit. Remarkably, Duncan wanted Bercow to hold an emergency debate on the “merits of the newly chosen Leader of the Conservative Party” and whether he can form a Government. Before he even becomes Prime Minister:

Even Bercow wasn’t prepared to entertain Duncan’s delusions at this stage – a second slap in the face for Duncan after he snubbed his request to make a resignation statement in the Commons. Parliament’s most puffed-up popinjay not willing to share his perch…

mdi-timer 22nd July 2019 @ 4:10 pm 22nd Jul 2019 @ 4:10 pm mdi-comment Comments
Bercow Selects Grieve’s New Anti-Brexit Amendment

In the most predictable development of the day, Bercow has selected Grieve’s beefed-up anti-prorogation amendment, despite it being even more contrived than the version that was rejected by Deputy Speaker Eleanor Laing last week. There’s a sizable number of Tories who have put their name to it already, former minister Alastair Burt co-sponsoring the amendment with Hilary Benn despite not even rebelling on the weaker Grieve amendment last week. Wonder what Jeremy Hunt thinks about one of his leading supporters co-sponsoring an amendment as hostile as this?

The Tories are expected to put a ‘hard three-line whip’ against the amendment, rebels think they’ve convinced ministers to abstain. Even with less than a week left, May surely can’t allow Cabinet Ministers to flagrantly flaunt a three-line whip…

mdi-timer 18th July 2019 @ 10:36 am 18th Jul 2019 @ 10:36 am mdi-comment Comments
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