‘Hungry, Feral and Aroused’: New Corbyn Spinner’s Raunchy Adult Novel

Jeremy Corbyn’s new spin doctor Steve Howell is the author of a sex-laced thriller about a fictional drugs scandal, Guido can reveal. Howell claims his racy page-turner Over The Line “anticipated the doping crisis in sport and exposed the over-lapping epidemic of steroid abuse for appearance-enhancing body-building.” Guido doesn’t remember Lance Armstrong getting up to the following…

Without thinking, I started stroking her hair with my left hand, and after a few moments, she began kissing my chest with moist open lips, moving slightly higher with each one until she reached my neck and then the dimple in my chin. Our lips met, and we kissed in silence for a very long time, tongues reaching deep into each other’s mouths, hungry and feral. I sensed she could feel how aroused I was. I was embarrassed and surprised by my lust. It had been a long time.” 

“I think we would have made love then and there if I hadn’t been so bruised and battered, but it was hopeless. Each time I tried to hold her more closely, stabs of pain would ricochet through me like electric shocks. Kissing and caressing were one thing, but I needed a body in much better working order to go any further…”  

“I was completely naked, and I sensed Mimi looking closely at me. The cuts and bruises on my torso were less inflamed now, but it had been as comical as it was painful earlier when we tried to manoeuvre our way round them to make love for the first time. Mimi had lived up to her claim to be a good coach — a great one, in fact. I’d felt inhibited and self-conscious by the time we reached the room, over-thinking what was about to happen and wondering if I’d live up to expectations, whatever they were. But she seemed to have no such inhibitions, undressing almost before the door was closed and then helping me along. I had forgotten how exhilarating sex could be — or possibly I had never known. The anaesthetic and soporific effect was so intense it sent me into the heaviest sleep I’d had for days.” 

Surely a contender for a Bad Sex Award

Members of the Lobby beware: the book contains a chilling passage about an assault on a journalist for asking an awkward question:

“My fuse had burnt out in the press conference, and none of it was left to stop me exploding. I grabbed the Argus journalist by his jacket collar… I pulled him towards me so that my chest — which is fairly chiselled for a forty-something — was pushing up into his chin. I was ready to throw him across the nearest car bonnet, and he was looking strangely smug as if he was enjoying the whole thing. Mimi was quick to intervene… The adrenalin [sic] was still pumping, but my saner senses prevailed. Tempted though I was, I realised Meg’s coach beating a journalist up would not help matters at this point. I released my grip and stepped back as he made a show of straightening his jacket.” 

The book’s flyleaf reveals it published in February 2015 by “Quaero Publishing”. A search of books index WorldCat fails to return any other work ever published by Quaero, and the publisher’s address is linked to Howell’s other businesses. Seems like Howell’s book was self-published, not that he mentions that on his promotional website. Steve could give McDonnell’s late night typewriter a run for its money…

McDonnell’s “Late Night Typewriter” Blamed For “Soft Coup” Claim

Shadow Cabinet member Barry Gardiner tells the BBC that John McDonnell “has retracted” the “soft coup” warning, brilliantly blaming his “late night typewriter”. An excuse that is not used enough…

McDonnell: “Soft Coup Underway”, Murdoch and Moderates Behind Plot

John McDonnell has issued an extraordinary warning to the Corbynite left that a “soft coup” is in progress to unseat Jeremy Corbyn. McDonnell accuses an alliance of Labour centrists and “the Murdoch media empire” of working “covertly” to undermine the leader, taking the unusual step of naming Sunday Times journalist James Lyons, suggesting Lyons has “regularly received leaks from within the Labour Party – usually used to attack Jeremy and his team“. The text appeared yesterday on the hard-left Labour Briefing website. Here are the key excerpts:

“WE HAVE TO ALERT PARTY MEMBERS and supporters that the soft coup is underway. It’s planned, co-ordinated and fully resourced. It is being perpetrated by an alliance between elements in the Labour Party and the Murdoch media empire, both intent on destroying Jeremy Corbyn and all that he stands for…

“The plotters are effective in distorting the media coverage because they have extensive contacts and allies in the media, many inherited from Mandelson’s days. The professional planning of interventions in which attacks to undermine Jeremy are framed evidences an exceptionally well resourced ‘dark arts’ operation of the old spin school.

“Both quantitative and qualitative polling is undertaken by the Party regularly under the direction of Jon Trickett, the Party’s National Campaign Co-ordinator. Jon arranged for one focus group to be carried out by the Party’s polling agency in Manchester to assess how our frontbench members appearing on television programmes at the time were being perceived in the north west. This polling took place back in November and its results were only accessible to a small number of party officials, Jon Trickett and the polling agency. To this day I have still not seen the results. The polling was leaked by someone to James Lyons, a Times journalist who has regularly received leaks from within the Labour Party – usually used to attack Jeremy and his team.

The Murdoch media had already run earlier in the week fake news stories in The Times and Sun alleging that Jeremy was planning to stand down as leader of the Party… The media then invented the story that the polling on the perception of Shadow Cabinet members in the north west was the Party testing the perceptions of potential successors to Jeremy.

“…we can defeat the plotters again. This is the testing time for the Corbyn transformation. The challenges are great and the times are tough – but we all know that this is the socialist opportunity of a lifetime.”

Siege mentality…

UPDATE: McDonnell’s spokesman says:

“This article was written over a week ago in response to the intervention from Tony Blair. It was published in print last week and only went online last night. However, as John said yesterday he wants us all to focus on party unity following last week’s by-election results. And he is looking to reach out in the coming days to those across all sections of the party and none.”

Rich’s Monday Morning View

Snarling Angry Corbyn

Corbyn is cracking up, ease off the snarling senile socialist everyone…

Corbyn: ‘Well Done Our SNPs’

His allies have been talking up a “progressive alliance” but “our SNP” may be a bit much for Scottish Labour. Pressure is getting to him…

Friday Caption Contest: Hide Jez Edition

Entries in the comments…

Thornberry: Corbyn Opposing Nuclear is “Fake News”

Emily Thornberry reaches for the Trump playbook and tells Sky that saying Corbyn opposes nuclear power is “fake news”. Anyway, here is a video of Corbyn saying “No nuclear power. Decommission the stations we’ve got”.

Emily needs to consult Guido’s guide

Corbyn: I’m Not the Problem

ITV’s Chris Ship asks Jez “Have you at any point this morning looked in the mirror and asked yourself, could the problem actually be me?” Corbyn’s reply: “No. Thank you for your question.”

Corbyn’s Gitmo Hostage to Fortune

No one is coming out of the Jamal al-Harith story well, be it the Tories, Ken Clarke, Theresa May, the Daily Mail, Tony Blair, David Blunkett or Shami Chakrabarti. Jeremy Corbyn’s 2013 words praising the released Gitmo Britons, including al-Harith, for their “commendable contribution” are also somewhat unfortunate:

“There has been no problem whatever… with any of the British nationals who have been released from Guantanamo Bay, who, in fact, have made a commendable contribution to arguments for justice and for closing it down.”

“No problem” with any of the British nationals released… Sir Humphrey would have described that as a brave line.

DAB PMQ

Readers of this sketch will remember its recurring and heartfelt concern for the sanity of poor Tom Watson. First chronicling his deepening existential despair here, in subsequent months I went on to speculate it was only a matter of time before he would finally lose it and go the “full Bill Murray and turn up to PMQs stark bollock naked”, all in a desperate attempt to break this cycle of Groundhog Day-style self-immolations by the Labour Leader. Today was that day…

He’d almost made it as well, valiantly surviving most of Jeremy Corbyn’s rambling monologues by nodding his head slowly back and forth in scenes eerily reminiscent of One Flew Over The Cuckoo’s Nest. That lasted right up until Mr. Corbyn finally took the plunge into complete self-parody and used his last question to spit at Theresa May that she needed to “INVEST IN OUR. ENN. AITCH. ESS!”, dementedly hammering his fist on the despatch box like a toddler to punctuate each syllable of “NHS”. At this point something broke in Mr. Watson, and he decided to do what any normal 50 year old politician would in such a situation and throw his arms maniacally in the air, performing an urban youth dance-craze known as a “dab”. Well, at least he didn’t go full Miley Cyrus and twerk on a dwarf in the chamber. Then again, Bercow may have been game…

Continue reading

Clive Lewis’ Comrades Twist Knife Into Corbyn

Owen Jones is a close comrade of Clive Lewis, there are even reports Owen has been sounding out Labour MPs about whether they’d back Clive as a future leader. Ellie Mae O’Hagan is a Guardian colleague of Jones and is also a big Clive Lewis fan – she has repeatedly praised Lewis as a “rising star in the Labour Party” and gave him a softball interview alongside Owen. Interesting that both Owen and Ellie Mae are twisting the knife into Corbyn tonight:

Fair to say these tweets from two high profile former Corbynistas, who backed Jez for the leadership, have gone down like a cup of sick with Labour moderates…

Team Corbyn Tweeting About Fake News Trump Style

Late last night this Mirror story triggered Seumas or someone else on the Labour leader’s media team. For the full Trump effect they really need to capitalise FAKE NEWS from the FAILING MIRROR. Guido gives ’em 5/10 for this effort…

“Tory Cuts Killed 30,000” Report Author is Big Corbynista

Today’s Mirror splashes on the OTT claim that “Tory cuts killed 30,000“, casually accusing the government of mass murder. The story is based on a report co-authored by Oxford geography professor Danny Dorling. What the Mirror doesn’t mention is that Dorling a big Corbyn cheerleader with ties to Jez. In a blog post last May, Dorling fawned over Corbyn, showering the Labour leader with a litany of praise:

“Corbyn appears prepared to listen to everyone’s point of view, however much he disagrees with much of what they do or say…

“(Corbyn) appears prepared to listen to a wide range of experts and opinion rather than giving the air that he was born to rule, is all-knowing himself, and will tell us what is best for us…

“If voters look him up on Wikipedia they will learn that “Corbyn was revealed to have submitted the smallest amount in expenses of any British MP. In 2010 he claimed the lowest sum of all 650 MPs.” He also over pays his taxes…

“Famously Jeremy Corbyn had to be persuaded to stand in the leadership election. His election may have ushered in a new era in British politics where parties no longer look so keenly on the candidates who so obviously want the job and who initially appear most electable…

“Jeremy Corbyn does not appear motived (sic) by money…

“Corbyn has shown that he can be critical of his own party and its past record, even of himself, when, in retrospect, his party or he himself was clearly misguided…

“Jeremy Corbyn can take on the zealots and bigots who use migration to stir up fear and hatred…

“What Corbyn really represents is a set of beliefs whose time has finally come.

Corbyn himself has even rewarded Dorling’s obvious affection with a supportive tweets:

John McDonnell meanwhile has said he spent the last summer reading Dorling’s book. Sure Dorling is a wholly impartial observer – you might think the Mirror would have mentioned all this in their report…

Corbyn Doing Worse Than Foot

Dreadful numbers out this lunchtime for Jezza: Ipsos MORI’s Political Monitor shows his satisfaction rating is just 24%. Dissatisfaction in Corbyn now runs at 62%, making him the most unsatisfactory opposition leader since Michael Foot in 1982. How would Rebecca Long-Bailey or Clive Lewis look on that list?[…] Read the rest

+ READ MORE +

Who’s Who in Jeremy Corbyn’s office?

The latest in the addictive series of Daily Politics SpAd guides. Impressive array of haircuts from Jez’s spin merchant Matt Zarb-Cousins…[…] Read the rest

+ READ MORE +

Year of the Rooster Starts Badly for Jez

On Monday night the Tories held their glitzy fundraising Black & White Ball, last night Labour welcomed the year of the Rooster with a fundraiser. Chinese for Labour‘s annual bash took place at a top-end North London restaurant: a far-cry from your local takeaway, the menu features a “New Year Imperial Treasure Pot for eight” of oysters, prawns and chickens at £438.80.[…] Read the rest

+ READ MORE +

Corbyn Tells BBC: You Are Reporting Fake News

BBC: I’m aware of the issue of fake news at the moment.

[…] Read the rest

+ READ MORE +

Labour Leadership Rumblings Latest

A flurry of Labour leadership speculation this morning after the Manchester Evening News reported, to the Lobby’s consternation, that Jeremy Corbyn has given a departure date to his inner circle. Naturally Team Corbyn deny this, telling Guido there is “No truth to it”.[…] Read the rest

+ READ MORE +

Corbyn Demands Higher Defence Spending

Surreal moment in the Commons as Jeremy Corbyn, who once said we should abolish the army, lectures Theresa May about defence cuts. Red Tory…[…] Read the rest

+ READ MORE +



Tip offs: 0709 284 0531
team@Order-order.com

Quote of the Day

President Trump says…

“I love the First Amendment… after all who uses it more than me?”

Sponsors

Guidogram: Sign up

Subscribe to the most succinct 7 days a week daily email read by thousands of Westminster insiders.

Facebook

Experts Wrong About Polar Bears Too Experts Wrong About Polar Bears Too
Read: McDonnell’s Coup Warning Read: McDonnell’s Coup Warning
Oscars: What Happened in Slow-Motion Oscars: What Happened in Slow-Motion
Watch: Snarling, Angry Corbyn Watch: Snarling, Angry Corbyn
Gerald Kaufman Dead Gerald Kaufman Dead
Sunday Shows Sunday Shows
Arron Banks’ Hostile UKIP Take-Over Arron Banks’ Hostile UKIP Take-Over
Well Done Our SNPs Well Done Our SNPs
Electoral Commission Investigating Everybody Electoral Commission Investigating Everybody
Watch: McDonnell Blames Blair and Mandelson for Copeland Watch: McDonnell Blames Blair and Mandelson for Copeland
Watch: Nuttall Can’t Find Getaway Car Watch: Nuttall Can’t Find Getaway Car
Watch: Hancock Can’t Name Tory Stoke Candidate Watch: Hancock Can’t Name Tory Stoke Candidate
Tories GAIN Copeland Tories GAIN Copeland
Labour HOLD Stoke Labour HOLD Stoke
Corbynista’s Midnight Twitter Meltdown Corbynista’s Midnight Twitter Meltdown
Guido’s Guide to By-Election Scenarios Guido’s Guide to By-Election Scenarios
Exc: Taxpayer’s 60k Per Month for Conflicted HS2 Boss Exc: Taxpayer’s 60k Per Month for Conflicted HS2 Boss
Click to Sign Guido’s #Piegate Pietition Click to Sign Guido’s #Piegate Pietition
Guido’s Guide to By-Election Day Guido’s Guide to By-Election Day