Director of the Arab League: God Wills a Brexit Deal

As Guido readers will know, Brexit has always received support from across the political spectrum – however never before have we had confirmation that the almighty has political beliefs. In God we Tusk…

However, at the Arab Ambassador’s Reception at Tory Conference last night, the Director of the Arab League preached, “if the UK gets its Brexit deal (inshallah!)…” – inshallah being Arabic for ‘God wills it‘. Surely having the almighty behind his negotiations will make the EU think twice…

Guido also learns that Grayling managed to embarrass himself at the reception by returning to a table with his plate of lamb, chicken and kofta only to promptly spill the entire thing over himself. Could be worse – at least he’s not been urinated on by a drunken conference-goer like last conference…

mdi-timer 2nd October 2019 @ 9:10 am 2nd Oct 2019 @ 9:10 am mdi-comment Comments
God Casts His View on a Second Referendum

Just as second referendum campaigner Lara Spirit was asked if a second referendum would actually solve anything, God made his view on the matter known. Luckily Leavers of Britain’s Lucy Harris was on hand to interpret the omens. Now the Brexiteers have both the Queen and God on their side, and the Remainers are stuck with Tony Blair…

mdi-timer 3rd April 2019 @ 4:12 pm 3rd Apr 2019 @ 4:12 pm mdi-comment Comments
The Gospel According to Miliband

And lo, the Lord thy God spoke unto Miliband the Younger, and said: thou must control immigration.

Today’s Observer is not a spoof. It seems Ed has been hanging out with Russell Brand a little too long. Labour really have “commissioned a giant stone inscription bearing Labour’s six election pledges that is set to be installed in the Downing Street Rose Garden if he becomes prime minister.”

Apparently:

“The 8ft 6in-high limestone structure is intended to underline his commitment to keep his promises by having them literally “carved in stone” and visible from the offices inside No 10.”

They might as well write it on the barn wall…

mdi-timer 3rd May 2015 @ 1:04 am 3rd May 2015 @ 1:04 am mdi-comment Comments
Top Justin Welby Aide is Labour Sleeper Agent

The turbulent priest Justin ‘Oil’ Welby is being supported in his jihad against Cameron by a Miliband plant. As a member of the House of Lords, disgracefully, Welby is afforded a parliamentary aide and despite the bossy Bishop’s insistence that the church is politically neutral, Jack Palmer is a Labour Party member. Disturbingly, Palmer claims to have only joined the party to “vote for Ed Miliband to be the next leader”. 

This outspoken spokesman considers “Tory rule” a “grim prospect” and says Michael Gove “is a truly terrifying human being”. When this pound shop Thomas Cromwell is not campaigning on the doorstep, he’s tweeting away urging people to ‘support #Labour’. To the Tower! 

mdi-timer 18th February 2015 @ 3:55 pm 18th Feb 2015 @ 3:55 pm mdi-comment Comments