Caption Contest (Happier Times Edition)

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mdi-timer 11 November 2022 @ 13:00 11 Nov 2022 @ 13:00 mdi-twitter mdi-facebook mdi-whatsapp mdi-telegram mdi-linkedin mdi-email mdi-comment View Comments
There’s One Good Way To Defeat The Forces Of Darkness: Bully Them Back

Just as a preliminary note, Gavin Williamson was a terrible bully. Awful. He was just no good at it at all. His one accomplishment was in persuading people he had a talent for it. The spider on his desk. The creepy smile. The dead-fish handshake. The official positions he mysteriously acquired. But the vast majority of his techniques – the ones we saw in text form – were pitiful. Nothing he said or did needed any other reaction than, “Gavin. You’re a nob. Don’t talk to me anymore.’

That said – Keir’s first serve was a tempting lob. He said, with what pulp fiction writers call deadly emphasis, that Gavin Williamson “had told a civil servant to – slit – their – throat.” Many ripostes sprang to mind, none of which would have been, on reflection, prime ministerial. Guido smothered more than one snort of laughter and just as well, what with the pious silence into which the benches had sunk.

How does he think the victim of that bullying felt when he expressed great sadness at his resignation?” Keir asked. Rishi didn’t know the answer to that, but who did? Who could possibly guess how the news was received. With raucous laughter? Jubilant finger-pointing at the wireless? Celebratory sexual intercourse? A haka?

Rishi made a prime ministerial show of sorrow. He is, remember, perfectly good at the despatch box although his apology looks a little unconvincing in cold print. “I obviously regret appointing someone who has had to resign.”

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mdi-timer 9 November 2022 @ 14:34 9 Nov 2022 @ 14:34 mdi-twitter mdi-facebook mdi-whatsapp mdi-telegram mdi-linkedin mdi-email mdi-comment View Comments
Gavin’s Tarantula Never Attacked Anyone…

Mel Stride has revealed the government’s latest line of defence for Gavin:

“The reality with Cronus is he was much touted, but he never actually was released to bite anybody.”

mdi-timer 8 November 2022 @ 08:21 8 Nov 2022 @ 08:21 mdi-twitter mdi-facebook mdi-whatsapp mdi-telegram mdi-linkedin mdi-email mdi-comment View Comments
Flashback: When Wendy Morton Resigned Over Bullying Allegations…

Given the Lobby has the attention span of an ADHD child after a bag of Haribo, Suella Braverman must be thanking her lucky stars that Gavin Williamson was around to take the resignation pressure off her.

This weekend saw an escalation of media scrutiny after the Mail on Sunday and Sunday Times both received convenient leaks of the ‘abusive’ texts he sent to the then-chief whip Wendy Morton. Rishi and Gavin’s Cabinet Office boss Oliver Dowden have both condemned his language.

A co-conspirator with a long memory has been in touch, however, to relay a fascinating 2006 story from the Northern Echo, in which a spritely and youthful Cllr Morton was one of five Tory councillors accused of bullying senior officers. Allegations that saw Morton quit her seat alongside her husband:

Mrs Morton, who represented Bolton Castle ward and will stand for the Conservatives in Tynemouth, North Tyneside, at the next General Election, was one of five councillors accused of bullying two officers amid claims that a new political group, the Independent Coalition for Richmondshire (ICR), was formed illegally.

It was then claimed by one of the ICR group councillors that Wendy had “failed to apologise to the officer” alleged to have been bullied.

The five councillors, including Wendy, were found guilty of bullying by a council investigation, but were later cleared by the Standards Board for England. Perhaps a lesson in hastily jumping to conclusions and demanding resignations…

mdi-timer 7 November 2022 @ 11:14 7 Nov 2022 @ 11:14 mdi-twitter mdi-facebook mdi-whatsapp mdi-telegram mdi-linkedin mdi-email mdi-comment View Comments
Dowden Confirms Rishi Still Has Confidence in Gavin Williamson mdi-timer 6 November 2022 @ 08:45 6 Nov 2022 @ 08:45 mdi-twitter mdi-facebook mdi-whatsapp mdi-telegram mdi-linkedin mdi-email mdi-comment View Comments Government Presses Ahead with £4 Million Latin Teaching Programme

Despite his annus horribilis, persona non grata Gavin Williamson’s scheme to offer Latin lessons to state school kids is still being pushed ahead by his successor. A contract just launched by the government, and spotted by Guido, confirms the £4 million bill for its “Latin Excellence Programme“. To quote verbatim it is to: 

“…improve pupils’ attainment via increased access to, and uptake of, GCSE in Latin, as part of contributing to pupils’ broader Classics education.”

The scheme will be offered ad hoc across 40 state schools as part of a four-year pilot scheme, with the hope to eventually move on from the current status quo of limited classics provision. Guido would have thought teaching kids how to code would been more useful, after all tempora mutantur, nos et mutamur in illis…

mdi-timer 19 November 2021 @ 16:46 19 Nov 2021 @ 16:46 mdi-twitter mdi-facebook mdi-whatsapp mdi-telegram mdi-linkedin mdi-email mdi-comment View Comments
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