From trying to keep Britain in the EU, to defeating the Tories in 2015, to beating the hard left in Labour’s internal elections, there’s no limit to the amount of political campaigns Eddie Izzard has bravely fought and promptly lost. Today Izzard’s joined a new campaign against Westminster Council to protect street performers, such as the floating Yodas and living statues who make Londoners’ lives hell. In April they were made to apply for a licence to work in 26 designated areas… 

Izzard has now called the restrictions “draconian”, no doubt drawing on personal experience as a street performer:

“I think it’s because they see street performers as lesser, you know the sort of riff-raff I think and they just look down on street performers.”

A council source has told the Londoner’s Diary, “I know Eddie Izzard is very persuasive but… it’s worth saying that the policy we’ve implemented is open to review”. The council source clearly hasn’t paid attention to Izzard’s track record…

Eddie Izzard has made the shock announcement he is to quit comedy and stand as a Labour MP. Guido was shocked to learn he was apparently still a comedian…

Izzard, who is admittedly used to running, told a London audience last night he wanted to “make a change” and has “made the decision to stand as a Member of Parliament”, however hubris got the better of him when he went on to declare “I am going to be an MP”. With Izzard’s track record of political failure, Guido wouldn’t put it past him losing Labour Islington North…