Co-conspirators may remember when Dominic Cummings was giving select committee evidence, when he came out with the farcical anecdote of the day Covid planning was derailed on March 12 2020 by both Trump’s bombing raid and Carrie distracting the press office after a Times story about Dilyn the dog. The article in question claimed Boris and Carrie were thinking about giving up Dilyn because the dog’s housetraining was not going well. It even prompted Carrie to tweet “What a load of total crap!”, and The Times deleted the piece from their website…

While Carrie undoubtedly loves their rescue hound, subsequent anecdotes published over the last year suggest Boris still doesn’t always see eye-to-eye with the mutt.

In February 2021 it was reported he yelled out “someone shoot that f**king dog” after Dilyn wrecked antique furniture at Chequers, chewing antiques, stealing expensive books and weeing on carpets.

Two weeks ago at a garden party of Tory MPs, Dilyn caused such havoc – including disturbing a duck that promptly did its business on one of the PM’s backbenchers – that the PM publicly declared “Take the dog to a place of execution”. The Times chalked it up as a joke…

On Saturday night we got yet another Dilyn-damning anecdote from the Sunday Times. This time they report that due to the dog’s inability to shut up while the PM’s top team pored over the Sue Gray report on Wednesday morning, the PM once again yelled out “Will someone put that dog down!”

“One of those present suggested that his military adviser, a former special forces commando, could dispatch Dilyn “with his bare hands”.

All of this is without mentioning the SW1 rumour that Dilyn once took a dump in a cabinet minister’s handbag. We’ve asked Downing Street to deny that the PM wants to see Dilyn join the choir invisible – a response has not been forthcoming – we’ll keep hounding the press office…

The Ministry of Defence is refusing to disclose how much taxpayer money is being wasted on Boris’s third No. 10 photographer, rejecting Guido’s FoI request on the matter. A month ago it emerged not only is the PM spaffing £100,000 pro-rata on Andy Parsons and £60,635 on new hire Simon Dawes, a third MoD photographer – Pippa Fowles – had been seconded to snap Boris. She was behind the infamous Dilyn snow frolicking pics, which accidentally revealed Carrie’s personal mobile number…

Guido requested to know Fowles’s pay band, however the business services department claim they have no obligation to disclose whether they even hold the information on “personal information” grounds, even though figures released by the department in 2015 did reveal such information. Looks like we’ll have to go on presuming the 2015 £38,000 figure is in the right ball park…

Last week, the Mirror revealed No. 10 now hires three official photographers – Andrew Parsons, Simon Dawson and Pippa Fowles. Today the public got to see the fruit of their taxpayer-funded labours: a four-part photoshoot of Boris’s dog Dilyn frolicking in the Downing Street garden snow. According to 2015 figures, this photographer could be earning up to £38,214…

Not to be outdone, Larry the No. 10 cat also got the luxury treatment yesterday, posing under a portrait of another elderly fat-cat who likewise lives a life of luxury at the public’s expense.

As much as Guido is a sucker for a cat picture on the internet, Parsons is on the part-time equivalent of £100,000 and most recent hire Simon Dawson rakes in £60,635. It seems Downing Street’s concern for frugal use of public funds has gone to the dogs, three official photographers are not a sign of efficient Conservative government with careful stewardship of public money.

UPDATE: Asked at Lobby why Boris’s photographers are taking pet pics, Allegra Stratton said “These photographers document the work for the government as well as the work inside No. 10”. When pressed on how Dilyn playing in the snow constitutes “work inside No. 10″ Stratton doubled down: “They document, the work of not just the Prime Minister, but the whole of the cabinet.” Big promotion for Dilyn if true…

Has anyone told Boris that Lisa Nandy’s already won the Chinese caucus?…

Similarly, most attendees were feeling pretty ruff this morning…