Damian Green Has A Strong Sex Drive, It’s Just Not Very Discriminating

Damian Green’s wife once said of him: “He’s got a very strong sex drive… He’s just not all that discriminating.” This is the least well kept secret in Westminster.

Unsheathing his sword of truth this morning and instructing libel lawyers, Kingsley Napley, presumably to go after The Sun, The Times, Guido, et al is brave deputy Prime Minister, very brave. If a writ arrives Guido will submit a defence: Truth.

Kate Maltby has recounted her story in The Times: the try on, a fleeting touch, the reference to the “understanding wife”, a hint of career advancement. This is a near identical story to one Guido was told a decade ago. The young woman concerned was an attractive Tory researcher who had even featured in one of Guido’s flattering Totty Watch articles. She told Guido she was furious because Damian Green had contrived to meet her alone and essentially invite her back to his place for some hanky panky, explaining that his wife was away. Sound familiar?

She wanted Guido to expose his behaviour, this – it was explained – would be difficult without her name coming out or at least her signing an affadavit. She decided against proceeding. Over the years Guido has heard a few stories, we even described him in 2008 as not safe in taxis.” After that story appeared, a well known figure in politics and the media called asking would we remove the reference? Guido said no. He sighed, “I thought you would say that…” We didn’t back down then and we won’t back down this time.

What is Damian Green actually guilty of? He is guilty of being a randy old fool.

Westminster Works Out Who is Top of Tory Sleaze Spreadsheet

Guido was careful to redact the Tory sleaze spreadsheet yesterday of any identifiers. Today’s Sun has unredacted sections of the spreadsheet, revealing that one “Cabinet minister” was found on the Ashley Madison adultery website. It also says he is “handsy at parties”. It is already in the public domain that Damian Green’s private email address was found on Ashley Madison in 2015, though he denied any involvement. As far back as 2008 Guido noted Green’s reputation for being “Not safe in taxis”. Shocked WhatsApp messages are pinging across Westminster as people piece together that it is the Deputy PM being referenced. Theresa May’s closest ally has effectively been outed in this morning’s Sun as being top of the list… 

Green: It Would Have Been Better If Remain Had Won

On Channel 4 News First Secretary of State Damian Green made clear he would vote Remain in another referendum and then on Newsnight he said “it would have been” better if Remain had won. You can only deliver Brexit if you believe in Brexit” said the PM in June, though her deputy obviously doesn’t…

Green Would Vote Remain Again

Theresa May’s deputy Damian Green has implied he would vote Remain again if there was another referendum:

“I was on the board of the Stronger In campaign so my views on Europe are well known and I don’t resile from anything I said”

Hardly a surprise given he has always been a huge Remainer, but it is somewhat odd for the top two people in the government to not be proponents of their own main policy. After all as May said in June, “You can only deliver Brexit if you believe in Brexit…”

Green: No, Boris Isn’t Going to Be Sacked

Damian Green disappoints Boris-hating journalists by confirming that he isn’t going to be sacked. There was nothing in Boris’ article which went against current government policy – as Fraser Nelson says it doesn’t contradict policy, it articulates it better – and BoJo’s team are working hard this morning to insist he is fully behind the PM. Excitable stories and analysis about Boris being sacked are pre-conference dramatisation…

DPMQs Sketch: Shadow Cabinet Ladies Night

With the boss otherwise engaged, Damian Green strolled down to the country pub for a quiet pint. He found himself at the shadow cabinet’s all-women lock-in being held at a suburban All Bar One. This was Emily Thornberry’s lunchtime on the tiles; this was her at 3AM at 12 midday. Clothed from head-to-toe in lip-stick-red – a flash of gold from the earrings – Green could not hope to match the entirely unwarranted yet somehow lethal sass of this plump old lawyer as she played the common cougar. Minutes earlier Thornberry is in the Common’s ladies loo, looking at herself over and over again in the mirror (you suspect Green doesn’t ever look). She winks at herself, blows herself a kiss. Don’t you look good darling. You go give it to him; you are the hen at the party. He’s only a man…

Green would confirm Lady Nugee’s long-held views of all those unfortunate enough to have been born with a penis. Like every doddery old bloke in the history of human race, the First Secretary brought his punishment entirely upon himself. Immediately joking about women and leadership when up against Thornberry is ill-advised. He tried this one: “There are many distinguished people – of both sexes – who have done [PMQs] in this party, because we of course elect women leaders.” If there are two things Emily Thornberry is sure of – and there may only be two such things in the universe – it’s that she is a woman and that she is a leader. Instantly she parries: three Labour women had led at PMQs since Theresa May came on the scene. Don’t start with me boy, I’ll make mincemeat out of you… Continue reading

Queen’s Speech Day of Chaos

Strong and stable latest: the government has spent the day having a news management nightmare descending into a convoluted row with the Lobby about the Queen’s Speech and goats. Kid you not…

  • 11am: Number 10 spokesman refuses to confirm the Queen’s Speech will go ahead on Monday as planned.
  • 12:30pm: BBC and Sky report the Queen’s Speech will be delayed due to lack of agreement with DUP.
  • 1pm: Newsnight’s Nick Watt tweets: “I understand Queen’s speech delayed because it has to be written on goat’s skin. That takes a week“.
  • 1pm – 3pm: Lobby hacks follow up and GoatGate goes viral.
  • 3:30pm: GoatGate reverse ferret. Turns out the Queen’s Speech isn’t written on goat’s skin and there is no goat involved. Laura Kuenssberg slaps down her BBC colleague: “speech is written onto vellum AFTER it’s delivered, apparently, so not sure it quite explains holdup“.
  • 3:40pm: Downing Street insists the Queen’s Speech could go ahead on Monday as planned.
  • 4pm: Damian Green then concedes it “could” be delayed due to DUP negotiations.

Chaos, you might say…

McDonnell v Green Handbags

Damian Green gets under John McDonnell’s skin by claiming he doesn’t understand how the government borrows money. This pointy fingered exchange was revealing:

Green: “You don’t understand capitalism.

McDonnell: “You certainly do, don’t you.

Worth watching to see the famous McDonnell space invasion, usually only experienced by Labour MPs and staff…

Who’s On Question Time Tonight?

Conservatives In: Spot the Difference

SPOT THE DIFFERENCE

In the top photo, “Kent Conservatives In” activists pose for a picture as members of the local Tory Remain campaign.

In the second photo, “Sussex Conservatives In” activists pose for a similar snap.

Notice anything odd?

The pavement is the giveaway – the photos were taken in exactly the same place, they just swapped the banner. Look closer and you see the exact same activists appear in each photo, they just swapped places so they appear for the cameras in a different order. One way of disguising the fact no one wants to campaign for you…

UPDATE: This from the weekend is another ConservativesIN event, publicity photos on the right show the closely pressed crowd, on the left we can see that the speech was actually delivered to a seated audience of three. Which is, to be fair, a pretty good turnout for a Hammond speech…

c-in

Fabbers’ Vomit-Inducing Europhiles Revealed

Michael Fabricant was reaching for the sick bucket during today’s EU debate:

Who were the two vomit-inducing Europhiles in question? 

Guido has established that the gruesome twosome are Nick Herbert and Damian Green…

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