Who Pooed in the Shower?

Employees at high-end consultancy Teneo Blue Rubicon were surprised to receive an email from CEO Gordon Tempest-Hay kicking up a stink about recent office antics. The boss puts staff on notice to clean up their behaviour after a series of recent drunken incidents. Culminating in someone – “I can’t put this any less bluntly” – doing a poo in the office shower:

Subject: Office etiquette

I’m well aware that what follows only applies to a small percentage of us but as I don’t know exactly who that small % is and, as things are getting out of hand, it’s time for a word. Over the few weeks, we have had:

  • Someone get drunk and throw up over the carpet (they’ve apologised, but still)
  • Someone – I can’t put this any less bluntly – poo in the shower
  • Someone mess their underwear and leave it for the cleaner
  • A Friday bar getting completely out of hand akin to a drinking competition for a bunch of clubbing teens

Not only are these things inappropriate for a workplace but it is totally unacceptable to expect our lovely cleaning lady to clear up the resultant mess.

Please treat this place properly or we’ll have to withdraw the showers and stop the bar.

G

Guido thought he would do some of the dirty work and assist them in identifying some possible culprits. Could it be:

  • Sir Craig Oliver, former Direct of Communications to David Cameron, now a Principal at Teneo. Did have a big week celebrating his 50th birthday…
  • Lord Hague of Richmond, former Tory leader and Foreign Secretary, now a Senior Advisor to Teneo. Soiled his Eurosceptic credentials in the referendum…
  • Sir Martin Donnelly, former Permanent Secretary at BIS and the Department for International Trade, also now a Senior Advisor to Teneo. Has dropped a few stinkers recently…

Hopefully that will help them get to the bottom of the matter as quickly as possible…

Bang to Rights: Craig Oliver Claimed No.10 Didn’t Write Obama’s ‘Back of Queue’ Line

This morning ex-White House staffer Ben Rhodes told the Today programme that David Cameron and his aides asked Obama to say the infamous “back of the queue” line. A flick back through Craig Oliver’s Unleashing Demons (via @mrharrycole) shows that at the time Sir Craig claimed the opposite was true and briefed the press accordingly. He recalled:

“There’s some weird whingeing from the Leavers that the fact he said ‘queue’ instead of ‘line’ proves it was written by No 10. I slap it down. ‘Nonsense. The President can speak for himself’. 

Who’s lying? Will enjoy hearing Sir Craig spin this one…

Guy News Special Report : Remain Campaign Cheating

Tonight’s Guy News Special Report, which went out exclusively first to subscribers to the Guidogram, exposes coordination between the Remain campaigns on a level far greater than anything of which Vote Leave have been accused. Will the Remainer-stuffed Electoral Commission investigate?

Tory MP Demands Cabinet Office Investigates Sir Craig’s Book

Following Guido’s story on a potential breach of the Special Advisers Code of Conduct in Sir Craig Oliver’s memoirs, a Tory MP has written to Cabinet Secretary Sir Jeremy Heywood demanding an investigation. Andrew Bridgen asks the two killer questions: why was Sir Craig permitted to publish information that the Cabinet Office admits could prejudice relations with the US? And did Sir Craig breach the SpAds Code of Conduct by failing to discuss his memoirs with the Cabinet Office prior to signing the book deal? This line of the letter is particularly interesting:

“If the rules were broken, there is precedent to confiscate the profits of the book sales. In 2000 the Government obtained a court order for it to be paid £90,000 of royalties owed by the publisher Jonathan Cape to George Blake for his unauthorised 1990 memoir “No Other Choice”. I hope you will investigate these serious issues promptly.”

If the government did confiscate Sir Craig’s profits that could mean an extra £350 to the NHS…

Sir Cover-Up, Sir Craig and the Curious Case of His Memoirs

The rules for a former Special Adviser wanting to write a book on their time in government are very clear: Sir Jeremy Heywood must give his personal approval. As the Code of Conduct for SpAds states: “The permission of the Cabinet Secretary must be sought before publishing, or entering into a contractual commitment to publish such memoirs”. Sir Craig Oliver’s memoirs, then, must have secured Heywood’s approval before the book deal was signed. Yet a year-long Freedom of Information campaign raises questions as to whether the rules were followed…

Sir Craig’s book is full of privileged information. It discusses the contents of a phone call between David Cameron and Barack Obama (pages 62-63). It discusses the contents of various Cabinet meetings (pages 95-96, pages 376-379). It discusses the contents of a meeting between Obama and the Cabinet (pages 196-197). Now, it has consistently been government policy, championed by Heywood, not to release details of conversations between the PM and US Presidents, or to release details of Cabinet discussions. A co-conspirator tested this by sending a very specific FoI request seeking the exact same information published in Sir Craig’s book. The Cabinet Office refused to disclose it on grounds of “prejudicing relations between the UK and any other State” and protecting Cabinet privacy.

So the Cabinet Office is on record that releasing this specific information could prejudice relations with the US. Why, then, was Sir Craig allowed to publish it?

Guido’s co-conspirator has spent the last year trying to find out. On 3 November 2016, in response to another FoI request, the Cabinet Office said Sir Craig “followed the process for publishing personal memoirs as set out in the Code of Conduct for Special Advisers”. In other words, nothing to see here.

Yet eight months later, in response to an internal review of the FoI response, on 27 July 2017 the Cabinet Office was forced to admit it “does not hold any recorded information to show there was a discussion prior to Mr Oliver signing a contract with a publisher”.

Hang on a minute. If there is no record in the Cabinet Office of any discussion prior to Sir Craig signing his book deal, how can he have possibly “followed the process” which requires “the permission of the Cabinet Secretary” before “entering into a contractual commitment”Uh oh…

The Cabinet Office say Sir Craig did submit his manuscript before publication, meaning Heywood could have prevented the release of restricted information but chose not to do so. This all raises several questions. First, Sir Craig could be in big trouble if the rules on securing permission before signing a book deal were not followed, as the Cabinet Office appeared to admit. Indeed the government has seized the profits of books which breached the rules before – an outcome which definitely wouldn’t be hilarious. Secondly, if Heywood did sign the book off prior to publication, why did he sanction the release of privileged information that the Cabinet Office says “prejudices relations” between the UK and US? It is hard to see how Sir Craig and Sir Cover-Up can both have kept to the rules. This could unleash some demons…

Who Is On Question Time Tonight?

Only one Brexiteer, again…

Cameroons Disagree on DUP

David Cameron tweeted his endorsement of Theresa May’s deal, ordering Tory MPs to get behind the PM:

Seems Dave’s old team didn’t get the memo. Here’s George Osborne’s front page:

Guido can give you Photoshop lessons, George. Meanwhile Cameron’s old comms chief Craig Oliver is also slagging off the arrangement:

Not listening to the boss anymore…

Blue on Blue: Sir Craig Oliver v Julian Lewis

Sir Craig Oliver has lost it with Julian Lewis after the Tory Defence select committee chair claimed this morning that David Cameron’s spin doctors had covered up the Trident misfire. Sir Craig put out a statement blasting Lewis for “making these claims without any evidence”. On the Daily Politics Lewis doubled down:

“A very senior former Cameron spin doctor has rung up my office in a state of great anger, saying they never knew anything about it. I have to say it was a great pleasure to convey the message to Sir Craig Oliver that he ought to issue a press release on the subject, and I hope he will do so in great detail and depth. But nevertheless, if he didn’t know, did the Prime Minister know? And if the Prime Minister knew, why didn’t he make the matter public and why didn’t he tell even his closest spin doctors?”

Sir Craig’s statement was on behalf of a “spokesman for Mr Cameron’s media team“. When the spokesman needs a spokesman, as someone once said…

Brexit Book War Update

shippers-wins-all-out-brexit-amazon-rankings-war45

Guido is still getting throughAll Out War and has learnt a few things already. Review soon…

Amazon Rank / Title /Author

#484   All Out War Tim Shipman
#1394   Unleashing Demons Craig Oliver
#2099 The Bad Boys of Brexit / Arron Banks
#6715 The Brexit Club Owen Bennett
#44395 Brexit Revolt / Michael Mosbacher

All the Brexit book are on the up, except Sir Craig Oliver’s.

Theresa May: Craig Oliver’s Gong Made Me Retch

A hard-hat and hi-vis clad Theresa May accepted the Politician of the Year award at last night’s Spectator awards, before delivering as cutting a put down of Craig Oliver as Guido has ever heard. Made all the better by Craig being there to hear it.

“I’m particularly pleased to see Craig Oliver is here tonight. Sorry, Sir Craig…

I understand that in his book on the referendum campaign, Craig says that when he heard the result of the referendum he walked out of the office, he walked into Whitehall and started retching violently. I have to say I think we all know that feeling. Most of us experienced it too when we saw his name on the resignation honours list.”

In ten years of going to the Speccie awards Guido has never heard more jibes with such pointed sharp edges…

David Cameron on Marmite Chief

David Cameron on the Marmite / Unilever boss, according to Craig Oliver’s memoirs:

“For God’s sake, Unilever’s Chief Exec is one of the biggest pro-Europeans I know!”

Sir Craig Can’t Justify His Knighthood

Enjoy Sir Craig Oliver squirming in his seat as Krishnan asks him to justify his knighthood and tells him it’s a reward for failure. “Winston Churchill, Francis Drake, Walter Raleigh and now Craig Oliver”. Watch til the last line…

Sir Craig Speaks

Craig Oliver tells Andrew Marr…

“It is Sir Craig, but I’m very happy for you to call me Craig.”

SpAd Movements: Ex-IDS Aide Joins Vote Leave

Iain Duncan Smith’s Special Adviser Lizzie Loudon will continue to be a thorn in the Prime Minister’s side, she left government when IDS resigned and is now off to do press for Vote Leave. Well-respected by former colleagues, Lizzie has a proven track record at wrong-footing Downing Street.[…] Read the rest

+ READ MORE +

Downing Street Censors Dave’s Holiday Snaps

Cameron On Holiday Censored

CONFIDENTIAL – STRICTLY NOT FOR PUBLICATION:

Ipso has today been contacted by Craig Oliver, Director of Politics and Communication at 10 Downing Street…

Mr and Mrs Cameron will shortly be going on holiday again and, in light of the previous notice, Mr Oliver has asked Ipso to make editors aware of their request that their privacy – and particularly that of their children – is respected while they are away.

[…] Read the rest

+ READ MORE +

BBC’s TV Euro-Debate ‘Revenge’ on No. 10

The BBC has been stepping up the pressure on Downing Street over the show-piece live referendum debate at Wembley stadium. Sources with intimate knowledge of the Beeb’s preliminary offer to Craig Oliver claim they proposed a 4 v 4 debate in front the audience of 12,500, suggesting the following line-up:

Remain: George Osborne, Alan Johnson, Tim Farron, Caroline Lucas

Leave: Boris Johnson, Nigel Farage, Iain Duncan Smith, George Galloway

This is a hardball proposal, and one which Downing Street is sure to shoot down.[…] Read the rest

+ READ MORE +

Introducing Minister Media Monitor

Pundits and political producers have complained since the election that Downing Street is refusing to put up ministers on television. Craig Oliver has an iron grip on broadcast appearances, implementing  a “one minister a day” policy where a single, reliable minister reads out the lines to take on whatever issue. […] Read the rest

+ READ MORE +

Cameron Caves In On “Final Offer”: Agrees to April Debate

James Forsyth reports:

“Downing Street has agreed to an offer from the broadcasters for one seven-way election debate on 2 April.”

Which is a bit of a change of heart from:

“If we hold the debates in the campaign, we won’t talk about anything else… lets hold the debates before the campaign starts!”

So much for that ‘final offer’ of March or nothing.[…] Read the rest

+ READ MORE +

Craig Oliver v Raheem Kassam Twitter Bitch Fight

Nigel Farage has upset the old parties and the BBC with his comments from last autumn – which are suddenly emerging now – about axing race discrimination laws. And lo, Nige and Dave’s thumb-twiddling tweet doctors are having it out on Twitter.[…] Read the rest

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POLL: Who’s Right, Peter Oborne or Craig Oliver?

Peter Oborne went on Newsnight on Wednesday to express a rarely vocalised view in Westminster, namely that Craig Oliver is a “particularly grubby individual”:

No.10’s Super Spinner has responded in a letter published by Ephraim Hardcastle this morning, accusing Oborne of being drunk:

Dear Peter

I just wanted to check you are OK.

[…] Read the rest

+ READ MORE +

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Responding to Corbyn’s statement that the US should have arrested ISIS leader, al-Baghdadi, John Mann bluntly tweeted:

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