Stop the Whinge-o-Rama

Boris getting on with it…

“I would respectfully say to my beloved European friends and colleagues that it’s time that we snapped out of the general doom and gloom about the result of this election and collective ‘whinge-o-rama’ that seems to be going on in some places.”

Boris Channels Aeroplane To Prove His Point

The interviewer jokes that Boris used his powers to activate the plane at that precise moment. Boris replies: “It’s nothing to what it will be, or would be”. The force is strong with Boris…

Boris Says His Bulldozer Protest Long Way Off

Boris Johnson has lamented the fact that London will become “a city of planes” if the plans for a new runway at Heathrow Airport go ahead. Boris has previously said that he would lie in front of the bulldozers to prevent it getting built and that “a third runway is undeliverable”. Today he says “the day when the bulldozers appear is a long way off, if indeed they ever materialise.” Will be interesting if he is Prime Minister at the time the runway gets built…

Remainers’ Dishonesty About Boris

boris

Remainers have jumped on the Sunday Times story about the famous unpublished Boris article making the case for Remain. Alastair Campbell says BoJo has been “exposed as a two-faced lying Charlatan”. The LibDems accuse him of “duplicity“. The Guardian’s Zoe Williams says Boris “tries on opinions like clothes, discarding them as the mood and weather takes him“. Once again, these Remoaners are telling porkies.

Everyone knows Boris wrote a second pro-Remain article. What Tim Shipman reveals in his Brexit book is that Boris thought his own case for Remain made him want to “vomit“. The article was not an expression of his true beliefs, as some Remainers are dishonestly claiming. On the contrary, it helped him make up his mind to back Leave. As Shippers reveals:

shipman

Those Remainers accusing Boris of duplicity are the truly duplicitous ones…

Boris on Stop the War

Boris asks:

“I would certainly like to see demonstrations outside the Russian embassy. Where is the Stop the War Coalition?”

May Ribs Boris

“Do we have a plan for Brexit? – We do.

“Are we ready for the effort it will take to see it through? – We are.

“Can Boris Johnson stay on message for a full four days?”

davis-laugh
Here’s one very happy customer…

About Alan Duncan’s Boris Thesis

Theresa May’s sense of humour was on display when she appointed Alan Duncan as BoJo’s deputy at the Foreign Office, he had after all just a week before described him as “Borisconi”. In comments recorded before the referendum and broadcast last night onBrexit: A Very British Coup Duncan said:

“I’ve always thought that Boris’s wish was to lose by one so that he could be the heir apparent without having to have all the… you know, s-h-1-t of clearing up all the mess, that’s always been my view of Boris.”

A lot of the commentariat and political class suspected that this was his calculation. To be fair many on the Leave side suspected this of him as well. That was until the campaign got into full swing. Boris led from the front, he put his heart into it, he energised the campaign. If it wasn’t for him the campaign would have been totally dominated by Nigel Farage, who even he would admit, does not appeal to everyone. Boris was the ace card that won the TV debate.

Guido’s gut feel is Boris’ heart was entirely for Brexit, his head was less sure, in the end he went with his heart. That is enough for most Tories, three quarters of whom backed Brexit. For that reason, when the ball comes loose from the scrum, Osborne won’t have a chance of getting sight of it…

Debunking Manspreading

manspreading-2

Guido is always reluctant to wade into the culture wars being waged by the second rate teenage thinkers of the alt-right and their mirror image opponents, the politically correct, snowflakey, social justice warriors. However yesterday the Telegraph’s Radhika Sanghani wrote a piece complaining that Boris was “a serial manspreader”. By which she meant he is a man who is frequently pictured in a seated position…

Radhika explains “The term was coined by feminist bloggers tracking anti-social behaviour on public transport”, we learn in New York two men have actually been arrested for manspreading. She blames the ordinary sedentary posture of Boris on his “male privilege… women are exempt from this phenomenon, as their lack of natural privilege means their legs are able to rest side-by-side… It’s unclear exactly why he needs that amount of space. Does he have an issue with his legs? Thighs? Feet? Balance?” Radhika evidently has a weak grasp on anatomy.

Now if you look at the picture all the men sitting in the front are sitting in the same manly* manner, all the women are sitting ladylike with their knees together. This is normal, it is not a problem, not a privilege of the patriarchy. It is a matter of anatomical comfort. Stop trying to emasculate Boris…

*Apart from Jeremy Hunt. If you have ever met him you will know he is a special case.

Why No Symbolism?

blue-passport

Responding to a written question from Julian Knight MP, Robert Goodwill, the immigration minister hinted that the blue passport will be back “We are considering potential changes to the UK passport after the UK has left the European Union. At this early stage we have not undertaken a detailed cost benefit analysis or made any decisions about what a future UK passport might look like.”

Elsewhere David Davis was pressed on the return of the blue passport by Andrew Rosindell “Can you make some small symbolic action to show that you are serious? Some of us have jitters. Could we have our blue passports back rather than the pink things?”

Davis disappointed “Attractive as the idea is, I’m not in the business of symbolism, I’m in the business of delivering,” he told Rosindell and the rest of the foreign affairs select committee. If not Davis than it must be a job for Boris, who whilst he is formally the Secretary of State for Foreign and Commonwealth Affairs is informally the minister for cheering us all up. Why can’t Boris start re-issuing the traditional blue passport from the day after Article 50 is triggered?

South American Trade Bloc Seek UK Deal

mercosur brazil

Major South American economies including Brazil are eager to get on with UK trade deal negotiations “as soon as the new minister of external affairs takes office”. Mercosur, a trading bloc that includes Argentina and Brazil, the 9th largest economy in the world, is keen “to open right away a negotiation”, according to Brazil’s foreign minister, Jose Serra. Praising Britain’s new free-trading direction, Serra says Britain “has a more open economy and has a very important position in relation to investment in Brazil”. With the Real set to devalue later this year, Brazil’s desire to trade with Britain could even mean cheaper food, as beef exporters look set to swoop into newly deregulated agricultural import markets. So that’s the US, China, India, South America, Pakistan and South Korea who have signalled they want trade deals so far…

Boris on His First Day as Foreign Secretary

Friday Caption Contest (Gove 2016 Edition)

gove boris 5

Entries below…

Blundering Boris’ Botched Andrea Offers

At 6 pm on Tuesday Boris met Andrea Leadsom for a ten minute one-on-one discussion in her office. He tried to convince her to join his ticket by offering her Business Secretary and an EU negotiating role. She rejected it out of hand, insisting she would only take Chancellor. At that point there was no intention whatsoever from Team Boris of offering the hitherto junior figure such a key role. In the 24 hours that followed there was incredulity that Johnson would offer her BIS, since whoever is in charge of that department will have the CBI breathing down their neck and have their negotiating role kneecapped. Boris never made Andrea a better offer…

Today’s Sun reports Boris eventually attempted to offer Andrea the Chancellor job on Wednesday:

“He wrote it in a handwritten letter to give her at the Hurlingham party on Wednesday.

“The note was given to Nick Boles to pass to her, but she never received it — he said he would give it to her and he never did.”

The Sun can reveal the note read “Dear Andrea, Delighted that you’re in our top 3, Yours Boris.”

The House of Cards theory is that Boles deliberately didn’t give Leadsom the letter to destroy Boris. Boles told The Sun that it was Boris who had forgotten to give him the letter to give to Andrea. From clusterf**k to f**kageddon…

Boris Pulls Out

“My friends, you who have waited faithfully for the punchline of this speech. Having consulted colleagues and in view of the circumstances in parliament I have concluded that person cannot be me. My role will be to give every possible support to the next Conservative administration.”

BORXIT!

Gove Chief Negotiator, Boris-Leadsom Summit, Priti Rumours

John Whittingdale and Liz Truss have joined Dom Raab and George Eustice backing Boris. Johnson is well ahead in Guido’s spreadsheet of public MP declarations and the Sun predicts he has 100 names coming. Michael Gove met with some 20 MPs last night to discuss how to convince wavering Leavers to endorse BoJo. Stressing Gove’s expected role as the chief EU negotiator should help reassure apprehensive Outers that Brexit will be delivered…

Andrea Leadsom has the tentative support of up to 60 Leave MPs if she runs. A group of them met in her office yesterday. At 6 pm Boris turned up and the MPs left, Johnson and Leadsom then had a ten minute one-on-one summit to try to agree terms of her joining the ticket. No deal was reached, Andrea is playing hardball and has also had talks with Theresa May’s team…

Theresa May has only eight MPs publicly backing her on Guido’s spreadsheet. The private number is much higher – several Leave MPs have told Guido they are considering endorsing her and she expects to clean up a lot of the payroll vote. Smoothie George Hollingberry has been hitting the phones on her behalf with some success. Her team have been working hard and should get in touch ASAP with more names. 

‘Crabbid’ had a flurry of backers come out for their joint ticket yesterday, more are promised following a drinks party last night. Liam Fox is expected to announce his bid tomorrow with the support of 20 plus MPs, unless someone manages to square him off quickly with a Cabinet post offer. There were widespread rumours yesterday that Priti Patel was considering u-turning and mounting a bid, though she is still expected to take a well deserved top job with Boris. Johnson is the early leader…

Leadsom Waiting For Boris to Offer Her Chancellor

Boris’ Telegraph column in which he appeared to endorse free movement has left him with work to do to convince Leave MPs he will deliver on Brexit. Today his allies are insisting he would end free movement. But some unconvinced Leave MPs are encouraging Andrea Leadsom to stand as the ‘true Brexit candidate’. As of 5pm this afternoon Leadsom hasn’t decided if she’s running – she is waiting to see whether Boris will offer her Chancellor. There are advantages to this for both sides: it would assuage concerns among Leavers about whether a Boris government would deliver on Brexit. It is also probably more realistic for Andrea than winning the leadership herself. Will an overture be made or will Andrea confirm she is standing?

Project Fear Over

Boris praises statements from Carney and Osborne…

“Clear that Project Fear is now over.”

Guido’s Referendum Best Bits

Relive all your favourite bits from the referendum in one handy video. Let’s hope we can add an alternative ending tomorrow… 

Boris Looks Forward to Independence Day

“If we stand up for democracy, we’ll be sticking up for hundreds of millions of people around Europe who agree with us, who currently have no voice. And if we vote leave, and take back control, I believe that this Thursday will be our countries independence day.” Boris saves the best line until last…

Friday Caption Contest (Claw Back Control Edition)

boris lobster

Entries below…[…] Read the rest

+ READ MORE +



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Quote of the Day

Former public schoolboy Chuka Umunna told the  ‘Exit From Brexit Dinner’…

“Remainians, Remoaners, I don’t care what the label is, I’m proud. It’s fashionable to label everyone in this room as the liberal metropolitan elite . . . This caricature is promoted by a bunch of former public schoolboys!” 

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