This morning, Mayor of Kyiv Vitali Klitschko presented Boris with an honorary “Citizen of Kyiv” medal to recognise the former PM’s work in supporting Ukraine since the start of the war. The latest in a long line of accolades the Ukrainian people have bestowed on him…

Writing on Telegram, Klitschko said:

“As Prime Minister of Great Britain, Johnson did everything possible to help Ukraine. And continues to support us and convince the civilised world of the necessary support.”

Later, in front of a packed audience at the Ukrainian Breakfast 2023 event, Boris once again reinforced the need to continue backing the country against Russian aggression, including with tanks. Making it clear the West shouldn’t be threatened by Putin’s posturing… 

“I say focus on Ukraine and not Putin. Putin is not going to use Nuclear weapons. What we must do is support Zelenskyy and Ukraine. Give them the tanks, there is nothing to be lost… [Putin] is like the fat boy in Dickens. He wants to make our flesh creep.”

At the same event, Canadian Deputy PM Chrystia Freeland chimed in: “this puck is going to Ukrainian victory, so let’s skate there. Let’s make it happen as quickly as possible.” Without skipping a beat, Boris added: “tell Putin to get the puck out of Ukraine”…

Grant Shapps has apologised for that mysterious photo that appeared on Twitter last week, finally denying his involvement in a Stalinist purge of the ex-PM. Speaking in the Commons this afternoon, Shapps said:

“I saw that I inadvertently airbrushed him out of a picture on Twitter last week. I think my team were confused: I simply told the team he needs hair-brushing, not airbrushing. No one did more to progress space than the right honourable gentleman as Prime Minister, and although that space launch wasn’t successful last week, it is I know the start of a very important new sector for this country… “

No gulag for Boris after all…

Guido’s glad to see Angela Rayner is now firmly on the side of taxpayers. Her incredulous reaction to Boris’s slap-up dinner in New York reveals a refreshing new attitude for the shadow deputy Prime Minister. At last, she’s promising to treat taxpayers’ money “with the respect it deserves”…

“Taxpayers have been left picking up the bill for the last two Prime Ministers’ excesses. While families are sick with worry struggling to make ends meet, this waste of public money is obscene […] Liz Truss must explain why her departmental procurement card was used to shell out for this banquet at the British people’s expense and come clean on her own involvement. Today’s Conservatives spend taxpayers’ money with reckless abandon while Labour will treat it with the respect it deserves.”

Boris’s dinner – an entourage of 24 civil servants and staff, on an official visit accompanying the Prime Minister – cost £4,445.07, or £177.80 a head. Labour claim that figure is enough to feed ten primary school children for an entire year.

£177.80 also just so happens to be £71.20 less than the £249 Angie spent on a brand new pair of AirPods Pro, courtesy of the taxpayer. Apparently they were necessary because “on average I use [them] four hours a day now on Zooms”. So necessary she then almost immediately lost them. That’s a lot of school meals…

Famously cash-strapped Boris has signed up to write his memoirs of No. 10 with HarperCollins, a press release has just announced. While no publication date has been set – very wise given Boris’s notorious slapdash approach to deadlines – it promises to be “a Prime Ministerial memoir like no other”.

HarperCollins Chief Executive Arabella Pike adds:

“I look forward to working with Boris Johnson as he writes his account of his time in office during some of the most momentous events the United Kingdom has seen in recent times.”

We don’t know how much HarperCollins paid for the rights, though we’ll surely see the advance payment in Boris’s register of interests. Guido feels sorry for Hodder & Stoughton, who are still waiting on Boris to complete his biography of Shakespeare – named “The Riddle of Genius“. Knowing Boris, he may just keep that title and reattribute it to his autobiography, given the tragically Shakespearian nature of his downfall…

Boris triumphantly swooped into clubland last night to rally nigh on 100 supporters and followers at the Carlton Club. The official reason for the gathering was to unveil his post-PM portrait, a rather enjoyable oil painting with accurately scruffy clothes, albeit flatteringly tidy hair. Presumably Boris isn’t going to emulate his hero Churchill and get Carrie to secretly burn the portrait…

After a £120-a-ticket dinner, Boris did emulate Churchill with a rallying cry of “never give in, keep fighting”. He did so at the end of a speech that notionally paid loyalty to his successor-but-one’s government, predicting a Tory party recovery as inflation comes down, China gets through Covid and Putin loses in Ukraine.

He added that the public will begin to reappraise Keir Starmer – once again deploying his favourite insult of “Sir crasheroonie snoozefest” – when they realise only the Tory Party “yearns to reduce the burden of tax”, believes in extending home ownership, is the only party with the guts to stand up to union barons and the only party that will send illegal immigrants to Rwanda.

‘So never give in, keep fighting, keep backing the government – keep making the case for levelling up, for opportunities and for a dynamic low tax global Britain.

‘That is how we will win again… thanks you all very much and Happy New Year’

The Tory juggernaut received a standing ovation before departing and quipping to a waiting TalkTV hack “I was framed”. And he would have gotten away with it to were it not for those same pesky journalists…

Picture of Boris in front of portrait:  @olivermiocic