David Williams, Permanent Secretary at the Ministry of Defence, was unusually honest during his Public Accounts Committee appearance on Monday. He went full-on Sir Humphrey when he came out with “There are only so many ways I can not answer the question”. This classic quote came just minutes after being asked about wasted taxpayers’ money, when he replied:

“We’re not at a stage where, I think, additional money will be squandered…”

Guido imagines at this point Jim Hacker would be calling for an economy drive…

The government’s impending end to facemask laws faces a major upset today as Sadiq Khan intervenes to force mask-wearing on all TfL services. The continued mask mandate will be a “condition of carriage”, meaning TfL customers will enter into a contract with them to abide by their rules. According to amateur epidemiologist Sadiq, the mask requirement will be maintained “as long as the virus is still with us”. So forever then…

Sadiq’s new rules mean party-going young people will have to wear a mask on a potentially quiet tube carriage, then be allowed to remove them when entering a rammed nightclub.

Guido’s not sure why Sadiq thinks he now has a grasp on Covid science given his past record. At the start of the pandemic he told Piers Morgan with total conviction that there is “no risk” of catching the virus on the tube. A week later he launched an “enhanced cleaning regime”, a less-than-useful exercise given the nature of a primarily airborne virus.

In June, Sadiq then hailed victory after the government brought in the mask mandate, claiming credit for lobbying for the change – despite, as he’s today proved, having been able to introduce mask requirements at any time regardless of government policy. As he’s made clear throughout the pandemic, Sadiq continues to decide policy based entirely on how it will look PR-wise among his voters…

Cringeworthy scenes on ITV’s teatime news broadcast last night as Robert Peston froze and forgot the name of Tyrone Mings live on air. Eventually Charlene White bailed the spluttering hack out. Turning to Twitter, Peston apologised for the “brain freeze” and confirmed he felt “an utter moron”

Just had one of the worst brain freezes ever on @itvnews. I feel an utter moron. Could not remember @OfficialTM_3 Tyrone Mings’ name. I can’t explain it. All I can say is very sorry

— Robert Peston (@Peston) July 13, 2021

While someone pointed out Peston’s track record of brain fades – including forgetting how mirrors work – the replies were mostly supportive. User Doogid tweeted, “It must be hard, your questions ramble on for about 5 minutes, so much to remember”…

This morning The Times Red Box ran a story about the supposed beginning of Matt Hancock’s political revival. In their words, Matt is “heading for the rubber chicken circuit of speeches to local Conservative associations”, after an announcement by Chipping Barnet Tories of a forthcoming gig. It comes shortly after the Mail on Sunday claimed he’s been making enquiries to ministers about a political comeback…

Guido hears the Tory association’s invitation to Mr Hancock may not have been entirely driven by a desire to actually hear him speak. The alternative explanation from one local source is he was originally intended to speak to them all the way back in March 2020, however it was continuously postponed due to the pandemic. The speaking gig was finally confirmed just before the drama hit the front pages of The Sun, and after some members had already purchased tickets. Whilst it will undoubtedly be an awkward event, it’ll surely be the association’s best turn-out for a while – no doubt why they chose to re-up the event to members just four days ago. Guido wonders how many attendees will be genuine members, and how many will be hacks in disguise…

The government has won the vote to cut international aid spending from 0.7% to 0.5% of GDP – a reduction of roughly £4 billion per year. Fears of a rebellion were soon quashed once the Treasury committed to raising the figure again as soon as borrowing is under control…

Ayes: 333

Noes: 298

A majority of 35…

A Muslim parent action group aimed at safeguarding the “innocence of children” has announced a planned “peaceful family rally” against the so-called “rainbow dildo butt monkey” paid for by local taxpayers. The monkey dance, which has now been slammed by Labour MP Wes Streeting and been distanced from by the Labour council leader, is part of wider mass outrage. Though still inconceivable in its aim, the shocking routine was somehow meant to encourage children to read more…

The protest, organised by Parents United, is organised for outside Ilford Town Hall 19.15 tonight and hopes to “raise the child safeguarding concerns in Redbridge”. Organisers also claim that the Labour-run Redbridge Council has “failed its schools”.  Given his social media outrage on Sunday, no doubt Labour council leader Jas Athwal will be in attendance…