“Just Like You” Mash Up

Chris Bryant Writes for Guido!

They mocked me when I put my picture on Gaydar (why, oh why I chose those underpants I will never know). They mocked me in the valleys when they found out that I was a Tory at Oxford along with William Hague. Well they’re not mocking me now.

No. I have got Bindmans on to the mockers. Iain Dale (filthy homophobe) he got a letter. He took it down. Ros Taylor at the Guardian, they got a letter and they have taken it down. No, no, no. Who is mocking now? Frightened of me all of them. Nobody is going to write spoof diaries about me and get away with it. I am Chris Bryant.

Tom Watson Promises : I Will Never Return To Government

Guido ran a story yesterday (sourced from a person near to Tom Watson) which listed some of the people he has, by his own admission, embarrassed. It finished up with a claim that he was telling people he would be “back in government” when Gordon got in next summer. The source of that was the third party rather than Guido’s imagination as Tom seems to imply. Guido invited him to refute the story and he has stated unambiguously in writing that “I promise never to return to government.”

In which case Guido is happy to retract the claim and apologise unreservedly for suggesting otherwise.

Tom also has a go at my friend Iain Dale for making an innocent mistake about Chris Bryant. A mistake that provided Guido with amusement on so many levels. Iain quoted the Sun’s Katherine Bergen who quoted Ros Taylor’s parody of Chris Bryant, not realising that it was satire.

An easy mistake to make because Chris Bryant is beyond satire. Bryant threatened to sue Iain and demanded that his legal bills were paid for sending him a characteristically pompous threatening letter. Iain told him not to be silly and get lost – it was an innocent mistake. Bryant is now sulking.

What Watson?

Tom Watson’s constituency office is also the home of West Midlands Amicus Union (ex-employers of Watson). Relations have been somewhat strained between regional staff and Watson’s constituency office since his resignation.

He’s been none too popular, and this has affected even the family relations and been embarrassing for them. Watson’s sister-in-law Joanna Watson works in the same building (just next door to his office) for West Midlands Labour MEP ultra loyalist and NEC member Michael Cashman, and Watson’s younger brother Dan works part time for neighbouring MP and Social Exclusion Minister Pat Mcfadden, another ultra-loyalist and ex-Number 10 spin doctor. Watson has angered a good many people in his region, and it hasn’t further helped good relations that he was overheard telling senior party officials in his constituency recently that he expects “to be back in government” after Gordon takes over in the summer. Which is a shame because his blog has improved greatly since he has had more time on his hands.

Gordon wouldn’t reward the treachery that he has publicly disavowed advance knowledge of and claimed he would have advised against. Would he?

The End for the Endogenator?

The deputy-chancellor Ed Balls has, despite mounting a legal challenge, seen his seat wiped out by boundary changes. Is this the end for the endogenator? The Liberati have an idea to help him get round the lost seat problem. He implausibly claims that: “This is a real disappointment for local people across our district.”

Still it will give him even more time to webmong about the place surfing political websites, like he did yesterday, when he amazingly discovered the advance publication of the Tory Tax Commission’s report. He’ll be posting on this blog next, like Dave Miliband does, maybe he does already?

You Read It Here First

As reported here yesterday, it is official today:

“Madeleine Bunting has decided to resign as Director of Demos. Since it has emerged that her vision for Demos is incompatible with that of the trustees.”

She was appointed 4th September 2006 and resigned today (19th October). Demos wonks should feel free to Email Guido anonymously with gems from her 45 day reign of madness.

Sion Simon – David Cameron Spoof

Over on GuyNews.TV a star is born: Jayne Godley shows Sion Simon how to do satire and another funkier mash up version of Sion’s downfall…

Sion Simon-David Cameron Spoofs

A star is born – Jayne Godley.


And this is how he should have done it, funkier and not so twatty.

Should He Stay, Or Should He Go?

The voice-over is so good, you have to wonder – did Blair do it himself?

Hang Out the Bunting

Propeller-Head Wonk Watch: The new Director of Demos, Madeleine Bunting, is leaving Demos to go back to the Guardian. If this story seems familiar it is because she has only just arrived from the Guardian.

Don’t expect much of a whip-round for a leaving pressie Madeleine.

CWF’s Thatcher Tribute Video

Hat-tip : Via Iain Dale.

Sion “There Is Nothing To Apologise For”

But Tom Watson has apologised. Courtesy of Biased BBC.

Tom Watson Apologises, Sion Deletes Video

Tom Watson has now apologised.

I did post the video to you tube and I take responsibility for that. The aim was satire. Colleagues and newspapers thought it was rude. On reflection, they were right.

So, if anyone is upset – including David Cameron – I unreservedly apologise.

Like Guido said earlier, Tom Watson is a real blogger, he has used video blogging at least as effectively as WebCameron (and a lot more cheaply). Tom has done the right thing, Sion is just a twat.

UPDATE : Sion has taken the video down off YouTube. The Simon/Watson duo are the Scud missiles of politics. They target Blair with their resignations and end up damaging Brown. So now with time on their hands they launch a new media video attack on Cameron and end up apologising to Dave and driving traffic to WebCameron up tenfold. Doh!

UPDATE II :
Sorry Sion, nothing is deleted from the web. It is back up here on YouTube in full twat-o-vision courtesy once again of Biased BBC.

Labour Disowns Sion

Tom Watson and Sion Simon were two of the geniuses behind the failed coup attempt against Blair before Labour party conference. Which resulted in Tom Watson wandering forlornly outside the GMEX centre pretending to talk into his mobile phone. It appears that Tom Watson filmed the Sion Show and uploaded it for him. Tom Watson’s blog seems to be down, but Guido is sure he read a defence of Sion on it before it crashed.

Labour MP Stephen Pound told the BBC that Sion’s video was “a new low in British politics”. Jack Straw, the Leader of the Commons, bitch-slapped Sion thus: “We have to ensure that political discourse is at a reasonable high level that avoids personal attacks.”

The line that gives most offense is “Want to sleep with my wife? That’s cool. Come down, check it out, we’ll sort it out. Safe. I’ve got two kids, kid one, kid two. You like them? Take one; that’s cool.”

If you want to see the Sky News interview meltdown of Sion it is up over on GuyNews.TV (courtesy of Biased BBC).

UPDATE : To be fair, Tom Watson has done a video blog attacking Cameron which advocates campaign finance reform. It has humour, a real message and some star quality. See it here. Obviously he has much more time on his hands nowadays…

Sion’s Sky Meltdown “Be Quiet While I Speak”

He didn’t exactly shine in this BBC piece either.

We Outrank Gordon

The book what we bloggers wrote seems a lot more popular than the book what Balls and Brown wrote, despite Gordon’s sales tour…

The Little Red Book of New Labour Sleaze – British Bloggers
Amazon.co.uk Sales Rank: 14,245

Speeches, 1997-2006 – Gordon Brown
Amazon.co.uk Sales Rank: 114,654

Hat-Tip : Da Fink

Operation Ribble Update

Guido understands that soon Detective Superintendent Graham McNulty is likely to be saying the words:

“Anthony Charles Lynton Blair you do not have to say anything. But it may harm your defence if you do not mention when questioned something which you later rely on in court. Anything you do say may be given in evidence.”


UPDATE : A number of mongs seem to misunderstand. He is going to be interviewed under caution. Calm down.

Ronnie Cohen and Gordon

A useful source told Guido some time ago to watch Ronnie Cohen and his bankrolling of Gordon’s ambitions. Whilst Ronnie Cohen is not in the same billionaire league as Lord Sainsbury he is heading towards being a demi-semi-billionaire. So he could give a mere tenth of his wealth and bail out the Labour party from debt – Lord Ronnie of Gordon’s Gratitude?

Ronnie made his money through venture capitalists Apax Partners. Apax is one of Britain’s leading buy-out firms and provides private equity funding for a huge number of PFI deals. The scale of Apax’s capital raising is impressive, giving a few million to Gordon would only be fair, after all if it wasn’t for PFI deals in the NHS and the like, Apax would be a lot less successful than it is today. Any donations to the Gordon for PM Campaign would be a small pay-back for all the millions he has made as a result of PFI. It would be rude not to give thanks.

All About Katy

Boris Media Frenzy

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Quote of the Day

Tory MP Nick Boles says what everyone thinks…

“There is a timidity and lack of ambition about Mrs May’s Government which means it constantly disappoints. Time to raise your game, Prime Minister.”

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