Viewer caution. Not suitable for children. Release time 5pm.
UPDATE : 5pm ish.
So out goes the dour Scottish Presbyterian, mincing, psychologically flawed, vindictive sulking socialist loser. In comes the smiley, touchy-feely, Kylie loving, British, loving father-of-two and premier. Yeah, right.
As sent out TO BROWNITES:
XXXXXX Welcomes 11th Brown Budget
XXXXXXXX MP XXXXXXX has welcomed Gordon Brown’s 11th Budget as a ‘magnificent deal for Britain’.
XXXXXXX added that the Chancellor’s budget proved Labour is the Party of low taxes and safe economic management.
He said: “For the environment, for families, for businesses, pensioners and children, this was a Budget that delivered brilliant benefits.
“Corporation tax cuts will help XXXXX businesses, while rises in spending on schools, hospitals and defence of £17 billion will see us all safer, more secure and better educated.
“Above all else though, Gordon has delivered an amazing reduction in the basic rate of Income Tax which will see huge savings for XXXXXXXXXXXXX people.
“I was also delighted to see measures introduced to help the fight against global warming, as well as a major increase in the fund to help people who have seen their pensions demolished.
“On top of all these measures, the doubling of Capital Gains Tax allowance for couples will make a significant difference for thousands of XXXXXXXX families who have been responsible with their incomes.
“This is a golden budget for Britain and a clear sign of the great Prime Minister Gordon Brown will soon become.”
“No government is a way of life. No government means to trust your friends. I know who I am, and you know who you are. If everybody knew what they wanted, There’d be nothing, nothing left. People would do what they wanted, And there’d be no government.”
Meantime the government spends even more than it taxes us to the tune of something like £100,000,000 a day. The BBC always like to tell us it costs less than a newspaper a day, well Gordon overspends three newspapers a day for every man, woman and child in the country – every day.
The result? Inflation at the highest since 1991, government indebtedness out of control and the whole public sector pay and prolifigacy being done off-balance-sheet means the City is demanding more and more to hold government debt. His main boast is that he removed monetary policy from his control by ceding interest rate decision making to the Bank of England. The longest sustained period of growth in generations that he boasts about began under the Tories after we came out of the ERM system – a decision he bitterly opposd at the time. Child poverty rates were lower under Thatcher, youth unemployment is higher now than it was in 1997 and social mobility is lower than it was under Thatcher as well. Everything he has meddled with has become overly complex and muddled. Ask any Blairite why after ten years the welfare state and the public sector remain largely unreconstructed and they will tell you it is because of Gordon’s obstructionism. The business sector is groaning under the weight of over-regulation and over-taxation, Britain has tumbled from the top to the bottom of the competitiveness tables. In benign times he has had no major economic disaster, but no economic success either.
For all his talk of reform and renewal of public services for the benefit of ordinary working people, remember when he dazzles his new sincere smile, he went private for it…
CORRECTION :Bugger – Julia Manning (third from left) has not been selected – Guido got confused with someone else entirely. So headline wrong, picture wrong and premise wrong. A great start to the week…
UPDATE : £577 with a minute to go.
UPDATE : The winner has paid up already – via the magic of Ebay and Paypal – Katy and Guido will be making contact to make arrangements. Congratulations to a very generous bidder.