The news of CCHQ’s decampment from London came as no real surprise to the commentariat given it’s an easy PR win for Boris; the real question now is where the Tories’ cabal of young Oxbridge graduates are going to be forced to travel.

Guido understands the most accurate guesses at the moment involve two factors: avoiding liberal cities such as Manchester, York, or Durham (which would defeat the purpose of leaving London) and ensuring easy transport connections to London. So Guido brings you the runners and riders…

East Coast Mainline:

• Grantham – fittingly the home town of Margaret Thatcher…
• Newark – a seat held by Gladstone back when he was a Conservative…
• Wakefield – home of the National Coal Mining Museum…
• Northallerton – it even has the word North in the name!..
• Darlington – heartland of the New Tory North…
• Lincoln – lovely cathedral…

North West Mainline:

• Tamworth – birthplace of the Conservative Party…
• Rugby – sounds posh. probably not one to go for…
• Lichfield – as long as they’re not sucked off by HS2 on the train station platform…
• Crewe – a natural place for team spirit…
• Stoke-On-Trent – all three Stoke constituencies are now Tory held. This move would help keep it that way…
• Chester – like Manchester, but more gender-inclusive…
• Stockport – Tories do like to have a good stock of port on hand…