The Battersea Park Half Marathon is just eight weeks away, so athletic co-conspirators don’t have long to book their place. To encourage sign-ups, the organisers are running an aggressive marketing campaign across social media. For some reason, the man they’ve used as a model of health, stamina, and fitness is… John Bercow. 

“Do you want more of your ads to be like this one?” Not really. To be fair, anyone stuck next to Bercow in a half-marathon would run as fast as possible…