Inflation is at 8.7%, interest rates are at 5%, two-year gilt yields are at their highest since 2008 and the UK is teetering on the edge of recession. The good news, however, is that the Bank of England have announced staff of any gender can get pregnant. According to the Bank’s 103-page submission to Stonewall, their new family leave policy “talks about parents without specifying gender” and insists all gender identities are capable of birthing a child. Anything about… mothers?

They are also planning to introduce gender neutral toilets as part of their plan to change their facilities. Do they plan to change governor any time soon?