Richard Tice today braved the mean streets of Pimlico to offer protesting migrants a heartfelt apology. The irritated asylum seekers are kicking up a fuss over the standard of their Central London accommodation – with complaints centring on the size of the rooms, “too much smell” and poor Wi-Fi. Tice could only offer his heartfelt sympathies…

They’re camping outside the £155 per night Comfort Inn which, to Guido’s taste, doesn’t look too shabby.

The next time Guido’s in town, he might consider arriving via small boat to save on accommodation costs…