The Liberal Democrats have today released their latest PR stunt – a creative A-Z list of Conservative sleaze and scandal. So, Guido has taken the opportunity to provide a bit of balance to the debate by compiling one for the Lib Dems. Strap in…

• A is for Arson: When Nick Clegg admitted he wasn’t proud of setting fire to a German cactus collection in the 80s.
• B is for Boris death threats. In 2019 a Lib Dem candidate was axed for calling for Tory ministers to be hanged.
• C is for Cyril Smith: the self-confessed paedophile.
• D is for Davey’s dodgy tax returns.
• E is for Expenses. This extends from Nick Clegg’s £1,400 gardening costs to lavish second home refurbishments.
• F is for Forgery. In 2019 their head of press, Rosy Cobb, was suspended for forgery.
• G is for GDPR Breach. In 2018 the party launched an “urgent investigation” after they exposed the personal information of Lewisham voters.
• H is for Hinkley Point. In 2017, the National Audit Office blasted Ed Davey’s “risky and expensive” Hinkley Point deal.
• I is for Internal Polling Breaches. The Lib Dems briefed internal polling based on postal votes – despite electoral rules against it.
• J is for Jeremy Thorpe. Co-conspirators will of course be familiar with this case. The former Lib Dem leader was tried for conspiracy to murder and has the blood of great dane Rinka on his hands.
• K is for Khalid Fezan. The most recent addition to this list, Fezan is Guido’s “cocktail of hatred” candidate, suspended ahead of upcoming local elections.
• L is for Laws. David Laws resigned from cabinet over expenses after “a series of serious breaches of the rules, over a considerable period of time”.
• M is for Michael Brown: the pin-striped donor who stole millions for the Lib Dems.
• N is for Nick named in Bribery case. Nick Clegg was recently named “inadvertently“ in an OnlyFans bribery scheme case implicating Meta execs.
• O is for Oaten. Mark Oaten resigned from the Lib Dem front bench in 2006 when he was exposed for having a threesome with rent boys. The News of the World described one of his requests as “too revolting to describe”.
• P is for Paddy Pantsdown. The former leader famously had an affair with secretary Patricia Howard.
• Q is for Quizzed by Police. In 2018 the Met said Sarah Olney committed a criminal offence over election spending.
• R is for Rennard: the Lib Dems’ answer to Harvey Weinstein.
• R is also for Rinka the dog. Killed as a result of Jeremy Thorpe’s lovers tiff.
• S is for Steel. Former leader David Steel was forced to retire from public life over his cover-up of Cyril Smith’s paedophilia.
• T is for Tuition fees. No explanation needed.
• U is for Undeclared spending.
• V is for Vicky Pryce, wife of Chris Huhne. In 2013 both were sentenced to jail for perverting the court of justice, after she took speeding points for the former Lib Dem Energy Secretary.
• W is for Welsh Wizard. Like all Liberals, David Lloyd-George wasn’t without his scandals. The Liberal Prime Minister awarded cash for honours and was implicated in the Marconi scandal.
• X is for X-rated antisemite. In 2022, Guido revealed a Lib Dem candidate was a porn star. She was then suspended for antisemitism.
• Y is for Young Lib Dem’s Wetherspoons Meltdown. In 2018, activists clashed after some young liberals compared visiting Spoons to supporting apartheid.
• Z is for Zoot. On the campaign trail in 2019, Jo Swinson admitted: I inhaled, and I liked it.

There is enough scandal material over the years to do the alphabet twice over…