The Blob’s latest villain is Alok Sharma, the former Business Secretary and COP 26 President. He stands accused by four “senior” civil servants of having the gall to phone his staff as they worked from home; at times he even dared to criticise them for sub-par output. Interrupting civil servants with phone calls as they lounge around at home is now considered “bullying”.

For the record, Guido has never before heard a bad word said about the man. Sharma himself “refute[s] strongly these allegations”, with allies across Whitehall shocked that Sharma of all people has been targeted with these claims. One source also points out to Guido that “they’re talking about a bloke that cried at COP26“. “Does this look like the face of a bully”…

Meanwhile, the investigation into the tomato-tossing Deputy Prime Minister is, according to Tim Shipman, expected to wrap up next week. If anonymous civil servants can brief out spurious bullying claims like this whenever they’re bored, presumably Adam Tolley KC will have his work cut out…