The New European is looking to bolster its editorial output, as yesterday they announced that Matthew d’Ancona would be joining the paper as editor-at-large, alongside Alastair Campbell. Bad Al’s puff pieces on Championship football club Burnley, renowned for their ‘Brexit ball‘ image, clearly aren’t cutting it with the New European readership – as d’Ancona will provide a new weekly column and podcast output. All this change seems to be too much for employees to keep up with, neither of the New European staff Guido spoke to were any the wiser on d’Ancona’s appointment. He starts next week.

The new editor-at-large will have quite the challenge on his hands boosting revenue. As of the last set of financial statements, their profit and loss account registered net negative outflows of £617,452 – that amounts to over £50,000 per month. Word has it that the financial situation has not improved this year. During their previous investment drive they promised to become profitable, as Guido predicted the New European continues to be a loss-making publication, alongside all the other soft-left vanity publications; Prospect, Tortoise, Byline Times and New Statesman. Guido has noticed the weekly paper is being distributed free of charge in office lobbies – literally giving it away – the paper is so desperate for revenue they’ve taken to flogging merchandise…