Jared O’Mara’s trial is reaching its conclusion, and the court was once again regaled with tales of the disgraced Labour MP’s exploits. The prosecution didn’t hold any punches, as he told the court Jared was “thoroughly rotten” and “thoroughly inadequate” – he was accused of “stuffing the parliamentary payroll with mates and cronies” to fund his “galloping” coke habit. Jared also became convinced that people in the commons “had it in for him and was refusing to pay his invoices”. Jared held one man responsible for this conspiracy – John Bercow.

“Arnold also said O’Mara was ‘convinced’ former Commons speaker John Bercow ‘had it in for him’ and was ‘refusing to pay his invoices’ in June 2019”

As final details of Jared’s cocaine-fuelled conspiracies came out, the nature of his criminal mastermind was revealed to the court. This meant getting the details right for each of his ploys. No doubt this is why when it came to picking an address for his fraudulent charity, Jared picked the Penistone Road McDonalds. Of course, he also had to be discrete, which is why he developed codewords – for cocaine it was “goose”. This was evidenced in one message sent to O’Mara:

“I’ll walk down. Invite the goose as well. I’ll bring the OJ and make sure you’ve got ample fags”

Guido never pulls his punches on the topic of the odious John Bercow, though even he reckons Jared has no one to blame but himself…