A brutal showing for Minister-turned-showbiz star Matt Hancock this morning. It turns out the “substantial” charitable donation from his jungle fee was £10,000 – or rather, 3% of the cool £330,000 sum. Good Morning Britain hosts Susanna Reid and Richard Madeley didn’t let him off lightly. Always difficult to say you didn’t eat testicles for the money… and then keep 97% of the money:

“The primary reason is because I have… I developed over the pandemic, over lockdown, and over my resignation, […] a very public figure. And I felt that what the public knew about me was through a particular lens, you know, through coming on this programme and Piers Morgan shouting monologues at me for over 20 minutes… it was totally ridiculous.”

“I didn’t primarily do it for the money, I primarily did it to try to show who I really am… and I gave a five-figure sum to charity…”

Of course, Hancock is free to do with his money as he pleases. Most people would gladly take the cash for chewing on a kangaroo’s anus. Although clearly definitions of “substantial” donations vary…