Ukraine continued to dominate the news, firmly taking the Partygate pan off the hob. As Boris’s popularity surged in Ukraine – polling second most popular only to Zelenskyy in a popularity poll – Lefties and Remainers back home were furious their favourite bogeyman was showing such strong leadership on the issue. Former Danish PM Helle Thorning-Schmidt laughably told the Question Time audience that Russia doesn’t see Boris as “a particular leader in this field” because it was the EU leading efforts in Ukraine. Deborah Meaden, Kevin Maguire, Jessica Simor, Anna Soubry, Nish Kumar and Alistair Campbell all joined in, desperate to find any stick to continue beating the PM with. London’s chattering clssses always know better than the people actually being shelled…
Corbynites were even less supportive of Ukraine, with Guido on hand to capture footage of a Ukrainian flag-waving protestor being kicked out of a Corbyn Stop The War rally. On the plus side, Sir Keir backed down from calling on the PM to resign…
As one perpetually-furious man riddled with a Napolean complex created headlines in Eastern Europe, back home another returned to Guido’s coverage: John Bercow. In March, the former Speaker was finally found guilty of rampant and institutional bullying of staff. The Commons Standards Commissioner found him guilty of 21 counts of bullying against three members of staff, writing that “had he still been a Member of Parliament, we would have determined that he should be expelled.” Labour finally expelled him as a member…
Bercow went ballistic, preemptively accusing the independent report of being a “travesty of justice rooted in spite and hearsay.” He did himself no favours later that day when he took to World at One to rant at Sarah Montague without drawing breath for four minutes, repeatedly interrupting the host and belittling her, thereby persuading no one that the report into his treatment of staff was inaccurate or unfair. Guido later revealed that despite not losing his plum university lecturing gigs, he wouldn’t be getting a gilded coat of arms in the palace…
Bercow wasn’t the only Labour luvvie keeping the Standards Committee busy. Jess Philips drew the most article views of the month after Guido was first to spot she’d been placed under investigation for two counts of potential breaches around external earnings.
The other big topic of discussion that month was the increasingly difficult-to-answer question of whether women can in fact have penises. Sir Keir came unstuck on LBC as Nick Ferrari asked him that exact question, telling him that “I just don’t think that discussing this issue in this way helps anyone in the long run”. Angela Rayner said that asking if women can have penises “really debases” the issue, while confessing that she doesn’t personally get asked if she’s got a penis. We learnt the answer to that the following month…
Talking of female penises, in March Britain got its first ever Trans MP, as Tory Jamie Wallis posted an early morning confession on social media. We later learned the announcement was timed because he was about to be charged for crashing his car while in drag. Boris, Wallis told Guido, was extremely supportive of his newest female MP…
Honourable mentions:
Headline of the month: Mumsnet Becomes Tory Turf
