With two years left to rebuild the Red Wall, Labour are finally splashing the cash where it counts: they’re hiring a “Celebrities and Endorsements Manager” to become a friend to the stars. For up to £53,711.77 over the next three years, the professional bag carrier will be expected to ingratiate themselves with rock stars and millionaires to win their support ahead of the election…

“The post-holder will be responsible for engaging celebrities and other high profile individuals in the work of the Labour Party in order to secure their endorsement, participation in events and wider support for the work of the Party.”

The vacancy is still live on the Labour Party’s website. If you fancy pouring Gary Neville’s tea and grabbing a few selfies, you have until January 15 to get your CV in. Surely this is the perfect job for the son or daughter of a famous Labour luvvie. Early application is advised…