Labour Sucks Up to Big Business mdi-fullscreen

Labour’s efforts to climb into bed with big businesses continue this evening, with yet another swanky drinks reception over in Canary Wharf. Rachel Reeves will lead the prawn cocktail offensive, with around 350 tycoons gathering to hear her plans to make the UK friendlier to startups. It’s one of those irregular verbs: Tories offer cash for access, Labour conducts business engagement…

Among the big names expected to woo the crowd is none other than Tesco boss John Allan, who’ll explain how sucking up to enterprise could land yet another blow to the Tories’ fundraising efforts. Every little helps…

Allan is no stranger to getting down to business. Back in 1998, he made headlines in The Sun over a certain breach of contract:

“A millionaire was granted an historic divorce because his wife banned saucy sex acts, it was revealed yesterday. Tycoon John Allan, 49, said Polish-born Ewa stopped performing oral sex. He said their sex life had deteriorated after she became deeply religious .[..] The businessman, who has just pocketed £1.5million profit from selling shares, was granted a divorce in the High Court on the grounds of his wife’s unreasonable behaviour […]

A top legal expert said: “It is the first time I’ve heard of a case of whether a wife performs certain sexual favours coming into it. It seems the court is saying that a wife is obliged to provide extra services in the bedroom.” The judge, assistant recorder Alison Hall QC, said the couple’s sex life began to decline from mid-1994 “because of the wife’s disinclination to perform certain sexual acts, previously enjoyed, on principle.”

With Labour hoping to get lucky at the next election, who better to show them how it’s done?

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