An unstoppable political force has met an immovable broadcasting object, as Tory Labour MP Christian Wakeford makes his Twitter Bitch Fight debut against series veteran Piers Morgan. A culture war clash of the ‘titans’…

The opening bell rang when Piers decided he wanted some attention. With the England Women’s football team beating Spain last night, Morgan spotted his chance:

The England persons who menstruate football team are superb. Well played Lionesses. 👏👏👏👏

— Piers Morgan (@piersmorgan) July 20, 2022

Of course, Wakeford swallowed this planet-sized bait whole, wading in to teach Morgan a lesson in civility and inclusive language by calling him “a pathetic d*ckhead”:

Imagine being such a pathetic dickhead that you can’t just enjoy things without using the opportunity to make it all about you.

No one is stopping you saying women, stop pretending to misunderstand gender inclusive language & creating a hostile environment for Trans people. https://t.co/LEybXymnGy

— Christian Wakeford MP (@Christian4BuryS) July 21, 2022

Having found an opponent with enough time on their hands to bother replying, Morgan immediately shot back:

Forgive me if I don’t take lectures on language usage from a woke-ravaged foul-mouthed clown MP who defected from the party he was elected to represent to a party he called ‘a bunch of c*nts.’ But many thanks for your thoughts. https://t.co/9dRKUDFYrm

— Piers Morgan (@piersmorgan) July 21, 2022

Wakeford still had plenty of fight in him, hitting Morgan where it hurts… his viewership:

If being woke is looking out for those more vulnerable than myself, when used by the media as a punch bag then I wear the badge proudly.

Sacked from The Mirror, sacked from CNN and still crying over Meghan at night. No wonder you’re getting about 10 viewers a night. https://t.co/gQd3Grc1vm

— Christian Wakeford MP (@Christian4BuryS) July 21, 2022

Ooof. Of course, Piers wasn’t about to back down either:

Park the virtue-signalling you ludicrous twerp, and answer this simple question so we can all work out what you stand for:
What is a woman? https://t.co/wpUwcMT3WV

— Piers Morgan (@piersmorgan) July 21, 2022

A “ludicrous twerp“. What a haymaker. Still, Wakeford kept the fight going by revealing he can’t actually count:

“Virtue signalling”
“Woke”

You truly are pathetic aren’t you?

There were 11 women out on that pitch last night. If you can’t see that I’m afraid I can’t help you. https://t.co/vLPtp8it1K

— Christian Wakeford MP (@Christian4BuryS) July 21, 2022

Realising there were in fact 22 women on the pitch last night, not 11, Wakeford gave it another go, although he still hasn’t yet responded to Piers’ direct question of “what is a woman?“. Perhaps he’ll save that for a future bout. For now, Guido leaves it, as always, for co-conspirators to decide the victor…