Porn-loving MP Neil Parish has told the Telegraph that he may try making a comeback in his own replacement by-election. Speaking to Chopper he says his main reason against doing so would be forcing his friends in the local party to pick a side, though he’d have no problem raising the money thanks to his “powerful backers within the farming community”. As powerful as a Claas Dominator 76 combine harvester?

Parish said if he did decide to stand it’d be as a “genuine independent”, though he does admit this decision would be largely driven by no other parties wanting him as their candidate. He’s going to take “local soundings” before making a decision. Ever the optimist, Neil says the current “horrible situation” has “hugely stimulated my brain”. It’s nice for his actual head to be throbbing with stimulation for once…