Following Guido’s story that Network Rail’s Head of Diversity, Loraine Martins, earned £164,000 – a salary higher than the Prime Minister’s –  an investigation by the TaxPayers’ Alliance (TPA) has uncovered exactly the kind of work going on over at the top echelon of Network Rail in the last two years – including the publication of two “language guides” with instructions on how to use an “infinite number of pronouns” and “LGBTTQQIAAP” inclusion. All while the regional department responsible for producing them was under central investigation for terrible performance…

The “Everyone Matters” guide, released internally by Network Rail’s North West & Central region, gave employees the full english on diversity and inclusion within the organisation, with detailed information about the language staff should use in matters such as race, gender and sexual orientation. On gender, employees were encouraged to use “humankind” as opposed to “mankind”, “quality of work” instead of “workmanship, and “friends and colleagues” instead of “ladies and gentlemen”. Staff were also reminded that there are “an infinite number of pronouns as new ones emerge in our language”, and advised to “always ask someone for their pronouns”. They even included a helpful table to make it easier to remember pronouns like “Ze, Zir, and Zirs”…

On the matter of sexual orientation, the group produced a visually stunning chart to explain what the LGBT+ acronym stands for – all eleven letters of it…

While all this vital work was going on, Network Rail unfortunately let standards slip in other less important areas: the Office of Rail and Road (ORR) conducted a three-month investigation into the North West and Central region, the body responsible for the language guides, and found it severely lacking in train performance, timetabling, and operational management. It even received a 25 point plan to get the region back on track, which Network Rail promised to implement… only for ORR to claim there was still “some disappointment at the pace of progress” in its updated review at the end of 2021. At least the staff have learned their Ls from their Gs from their Bs from their Ts.

Elliot Keck, investigations campaigns manager at the TaxPayers’ Alliance says:

“Taxpayers are fed up with Network Rail officials jumping on the diversity gravy train, when their resources and efforts would be much better spent making sure the railways actually run on time.”

If only…