While Blair, Whitty, Jenny Harries, Daniel Craig and Emma Raducanu all lapped up honours on New Year’s Eve, Guido’s come to understand one name was deliberately absent from the list: co-conspirator favourite AC Grayling. A government source has come forward to reveal the loony anti-Brexit professor had been recommended for a knighthood, only for advisors to take one look at the suggestion and veto it. A government source elaborates:

“From Prime Ministers to paramedics, the honours system rewards the best of Britain and highlights our common history and shared achievement as a nation. However, people who have spent the last few years attacking this country and spreading increasingly erratic fake news about it should not be recognised in the same way as sports stars and scientists.”

Hopefully this news should act as a spoonful of sugar to help Sir Tony’s gong go down…