Guido popped along to the Conservative Friends of Israel annual lunch this afternoon. Alongside Boris praising the new UK-Israel trade and security deal, the PM’s keynote alluded to a raucous evening in Tel Aviv where “all sorts of things took place”. He joked that the Mossad may “still possess the Kompromat” from the night’s activities. The audience lapped it up.

“It is a miracle these photographs have never appeared unless the Mossad is keeping them for some long-term strategic purpose”.

Co-conspirators will have to join Guido in filling in the missing details with their imagination…