While Glasgow’s climate summit is no doubt a dreary affair, Guido presumes Alok Sharma will be less-than-impressed by the antics of Vietnam’s security minister Tô Lâm, who has been caught bunking from COP26 to enjoy the high life in London. Lâm was filmed visiting the outrageously gaudy Salt Bae Knightsbridge restaurant and dining on gold-covered steak. And where had he just come from prior to his luxury dining experience? A flower-laying exercise at Karl Marx’s grave…

This absurd spectacle should surely call into question the millions the UK’s given to the corrupt, communist state. Since 2001, £481 million of UK taxpayers’ cash has been given in aid to Vietnam, and they are set to get another £7 million bung in 2021/22. Based on the video, Guido calculates the three steaks alone cost the table £2,550…

His colleagues back home are clearly displeased. The #SaltBae tag on Facebook was blocked in Vietnam to prevent people seeing the video –  something the social media giant is now investigating. Presumably if he is sacked for his typically corrupt communist antics, he can expect a golden handshake and a gold-plated pension…