Number 10 staff were treated to a viewing for their eyes only last night, after Boris turned the new Downing Street briefing room into a cinema lounge for a screening of the latest Bond film, No Time to Die. Initially, Number 10 refused to confirm the reports, although Boris’s cover was later blown by his own spokesman:

“Yesterday, the prime minister met with Pinewood Studios, Universal Pictures, Eon Productions and the BFI to congratulate them on the success of the latest James Bond instalment – a testament to the talent of British creative industry.

An evening film screening took place for staff, who made voluntary donations, with all proceeds going to Sarcoma UK [a charity].”

With fears that doctors know that the vaccine is not enough to withhold the spectre of rising covid cases, this might be the last time that Boris is treated to a view to a thrill for quite a while: some are already questioning if the government has the thunderballs to stick to Plan A, or whether infection rates will scare the living daylights out of them. After all, antibodies aren’t forever…