A smattering of applause for this one:

“Here we are – bright lights – great atmosphere – enthusiastic young people. It reminds me of my last night out on the town Aberdeen. Dance like nobody’s watching they say…Well I did. But they WERE watching! And I know many people have recently been asking why a middle aged man spent more than an hour non stop unleashing a series of wildly un-coordinated gestures in front of a bewildered audience who were left wondering if this was some sort of bizarre attempt to go back to the eighties…but enough of Keir Starmer’s conference speech.”

Guido tips his hat…