This morning, Geronimo was finally escorted from his enclosure, with dozens of Defra hitmen swarming the farm to bring the TB-ridden creature into police custody. Apparently they were met at the gate by a horde of protestors, who attempted (in vain) to save the alpaca’s skin, with one woman even blasting the hitmen with a super-soaker… 

Despite owner Helen Macdonald’s tearful promise to take a bullet for her beloved beast, Geronimo was nonetheless chaperoned into a horse box and driven away under armed protection. A statement from Avon & Somerset police said:

“We can confirm officers are in attendance at a farm in the Wickwar area of South Gloucestershire this morning to support the Animal and Plant Health Agency (APHA), who are executing a court warrant.”

The Alpacalpyse Now begins…