Protestors Demand Boris Prevents Alpaca-lypse

Around 30 activists gathered at Smith Square this afternoon in a last-ditch effort to save the life of the Geronimo, an 8 year old alpaca who has twice tested positive for bovine tuberculosis. The protestors claim that both tests were faulty, and that Geronimo is fighting fit, yet Defra have nonetheless held firm, insisting that two false positives would be “impossible”. Celebrities Joanna Lumley and Chris Packham (along with The Sun) have been leading the campaign to save poor Geronimo – unfortunately neither Lumley nor Packham made an appearance at today’s crucial march…

Guido spoke to the friendly alpaca’s supporters to learn more. They were certainly a passionate bunch; at one point they even erupted into a thunderous chant demanding that Boris “re-test Geronimo”. One attendee went further, arguing that Geronimo’s life matters because it is “a sentient life, it’s a sentient being”, and implored the government to see reason. Despite their best efforts, however, the cries outside Defra HQ went unanswered. At least the weather just about held out. Geronimo and his woolly friends had hoped to attend the demonstration in person, though ultimately it was decided that there were “too many risks” in actually marching alpacas to Downing Street…

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