Guido is relieved to report that Labour’s new Metro Mayor for the West of England, Dan Norris, has at last been found safe and well, after his mysterious disappearance last week following his mayoral victory. Fantastic news for all his constituents, who were no doubt perturbed by the rumours that he had immediately gone on holiday after being sworn in…

It’s also reassuring for Guido, who even issued a missing mayor report after noticing Norris’s conspicuous lack of social media boasting all of last week. Thankfully, the Mayor was straight in front of the cameras on Monday after his unexplained public sabbatical…

Guido was told he didn’t do any of this last week because he was just too busy ‘getting things done’. With all this work he’ll soon have to take some well-deserved time off…