It’s fairly certain that – bar an extraordinary event – Sadiq Khan will be re-elected on 6th May. It is also overwhelmingly likely that in a relatively distant second place will come Conservative Shaun Bailey. What is less clear, however, is who will achieve the coveted third place. Who will be the least minor minor party? Guido has compiled a list of all the declared candidates:

Minor parties:

• Sian Berry, Green Party. Polling level with the Lib Dems, Sian Berry leads the Green Party and is also standing to retain her seat on the London Assembly.
• Luisa Porritt, Liberal Democrats. Neck and neck with the Green Party, Porrit is the Lib Dems’ second choice for Mayor. She was briefly an MEP between 2019 and 2020.
• Peter Gammons, UKIP. Gammons, who has been associated with faith healing, is currently polling in fifth place.
• Laurence Fox, Reclaim Party. Anti-Woke Fox is standing alongside Reform UK, who are putting up assembly candidates.
• David Kurten, Heritage Party. Elected as UKIP in 2016. Kurten’s Heritage Party stands for traditional family values.
• Kam Balayev, Renew. Anti-Brexit centrist party.
• Mandu Reid, Women’s Equality Party. The party managed to accrue 2% of the vote last time.
• Valerie Brown, Burning Pink. A climate terrorist party born out of Extinction Rebellion, with the stated aim of attempting to abolish representative democracy.
• Winston McKenzie, Unity In Action. Founded in 2017, UIA is McKenzie’s eighth political party.

Independents:

• Count Binface. Stood against May in 2017 and Boris in 2019. Reasonably funny candidate.
• Brian Rose. Podcaster and YouTuber busy plastering London with big posters of his face. 
• Piers Corbyn. Corbyn will be standing if he hasn’t been arrested again for publishing antisemitic literature.
• Max Fosh. YouTuber standing with the express intention of beating Laurence Fox.
• Drillminister. Rapper in a balaclava.
• Farah London. Presumably standing due to nominative determinism.
• Nims Obunge. Pastor at the Freedom’s Ark Church in Tottenham.
• Rosalind Readhead. Another climate loon.

Each candidate is required to stump up a £10,000 deposit in order to stand – a sum that will only be returned if the candidate achieves over 5% of the vote. Last time the only parties to retain their deposits were Labour, the Tories, and the Greens. This year’s 17 minor candidates have so far contributed £170,000 to City Hall…