Even in the depths of a second dark, winter lockdown, sitting through an hour and half of Jeremy Corbyn’s Desert Island Discs “Castaway” was a torturous experience for Guido. Much like his leadership in general, it dragged on. Unlike the official BBC format, Jeremy ended up sharing ten songs and three books – each more pious than the last. Guido brings you the absolute boy’s music selection in full:

1. Gustav Mahler, 10^th Symphony – Cond. Daniel Barenboim. According to Classic FM, “there are single movements in [Mahler’s] works that last longer than an entire symphony by Mozart or Haydn.”  Corbyn said he sometimes listens to Gustav’s pieces while working, presumingly taking inspiration for some of his longer speeches…
2. Coalhouse, Mazes – performed by Jamie Bramwell. Jamie Bramwell not only played for Corbyn on the 2019 election trail, he was a pivotal member of Labour’s NEC who backed Corbyn’s automatic ballot inclusion in his 2016 leadership election. Guido was disappointed Corbyn didn’t follow-up with a Karaoke performance from Jennie Formby…
3. Bob Marley, Buffalo Soldier. Presumably an homage to Keith Vaz…
4. Como la Cigarra, Mercedes Sosa. After this song choice, the presenter read out the lyrics “So many times they killed me, so many times I died, yet I am here, rising to life once more,” suggesting they applied to the media’s treatment of Corbyn. Corbyn admitted his wife was responsible for choosing this song, presumably after dealing with his social media…
5. Emeli Sandé, You Are Not Alone. Labour’s unofficial theme song during the 2019 election. If Guido were Corbyn he’d never want to hear the anthem again…
6. Old Man River, Paul Robeson. “I’m tired of living, but scared of dying,” Corbyn certainly looks that way these days…
7. Roisin Dubh, Maeve MacKinnon. Maeve was on the call and had a public love-in with Corbyn after her song was played. The compère then said regrettably the singer of the next song couldn’t also be on the Zoom for a chat with Jeremy…
8. John Lennon, Give Peace a Chance. Obviously Jeremy doesn’t mean when the IRA were killing people in Northern Ireland. In many ways, Lennon is the lucky one in life – he didn’t have to sit through a Wednesday night Zoom call in which Corbyn almost teared up at the memory of eating some turnips a school in his constituency had grown for him…
9. Victor Jara, Manifesto. A dirge of a song, though a more enjoyable manifesto than either of the two Corbyn produced in his career…
10. El Pueblo Unido Jama Sera Vencido, Sergio Ortega. “The people, united, will never be defeated.” Jeremy choosing this over the People’s Flag was like watching Billy Bragg be cheated on in real-time…

In Jeremy’s defence, you at least know his list wasn’t cynically put together by focus group…