For the posher members of the House of Commons, Parliament can remind them of their school days at public school; for the swathes of MPs with ordinary backgrounds, however, the similarities remain striking. If today has been like the first day back at school after the summer holidays, Ian Blackford’s speech was like remembering they also have maths homework…

Firstly for new MPs who remain without offices (Guido understands the most popular man at the moment is Mike Freer, the accommodation whip) they have all been assigned lockers currently situated on the committee corridor. Indeed they’ve even been given name-tagged backpacks to put in them (although this is a bit more evacuee than schoolkid…)

Whilst Mike Freer may be Mr Popular, the others whips certainly are not (being described as a “f*cking nightmare” by one new intake); running new MPs on a strict and packed timetable – starting at 8.30, with only 10 minutes for lunch. “Held captive” as said by one grumpy, cigarette-craving MP…

Guido also learns a large contingent of new MPs on their induction were sent to the wrong room yesterday, eventually finding the right room 10 minutes late and being told off in front of their colleagues. Numerous newbies are skiving off, having had multiple meetings all covering the same ground of security, Ipsa and well-being…

MPs’ lanyards are a similar sight in any new academy school, change is also afoot here. As MPs get younger and younger, they were getting increasingly frustrated with parliament’s doorkeepers mistaking them for staffers. New green and white striped lanyards have therefore been introduced to put an end to these awkward encounters. For some MPs this wasn’t enough however and were spotted in Strangers bar last night wearing a large Inbetweeners-esque name badges…