Guido is disappointed to report that post-Brexit, readers will not have to resort to using copies of The New European when they go to the loo; as beloved toilet paper company, Andrex, have flushed away remainers claims that Brexit will limit supplies. Britain’s global roll will only be enhanced outside the tearable EU…

Hi, nearly all of our much loved Andrex toilet paper is manufactured here in the UK and we’d like to assure our customers that we have strong plans in place to ensure a steady and long supply whatever the outcome of Brexit may be.

— Andrex UK (@AndrexUK) October 11, 2019

The 77-year-old number one number two company confirmed that “nearly all” of their product is manufactured in the UK, and they have strong contingency plans to ensure supplies roll on, “whatever the outcome of Brexit may be.” Guido looks forward to taking apart future remainer fake loos…