A co-conspirator using a parliamentary photocopier in Norman Shaw North made a startling discovery this morning: the re-selection paper for Keith Vaz – Guido knows he’s a fan of large white home appliances…

This find raises two important questions:

• Why was it being photocopied in the first place?
• And why use tax-funded resources to do so?

Ballots are organised by the local party. There is no reason why an MP would be handling multiple copies. All very odd…