In an embarrassing internal memo that’s leaked worse than their new straws, McDonald’s have had to admit their hated paper straws cannot be recycled, making them far less eco-friendly than the fast food giant’s old “100% per cent recyclable” plastic straws. Perhaps they should have listened to experts before making the switch, rather than just doing a straw poll of lefty opinion…

Even former Climate Change secretary Ed Davey – who describes the Lib Dems as “the climate change party” – put out a disappointingly pun-free statement: “it really can’t be that difficult to replace plastic straws. People will be left wondering where this was just greenwash or a monumental cock-up”. It’s neither, it’s the inevitable consequence of replacing something that works perfectly well with something that would have been rejected 100 years ago for being too impractical…

A McDonald’s spokesperson who drew the short straw to explain the soggy PR mess came up with the limp excuse that the thickness of the strengthened paper straws means they cannot be processed by recycling plants, meaning they must be put in general waste bins and then burned. A petition for McDonald’s to bring back plastic straws now has over 50,000 signatures. Sadly Guido doubts this short-sighted change will be the last straw for woke policy-making…