PMQs: Trick or Treat?

Theresa nervously twitched the curtains. Would it be trick or treat for her today? Kids these days were getting awfully greedy, although Phil had given her a large stash of sweets earlier this week. Hopefully that would be enough to keep them happy. There came a knock at the door. She cautiously opened it up. It was Mark from the Forest of Dean. Nice Mark just wanted to tell her how delicious Phil’s sweets were. She agreed, they certainly were! Hopefully everyone else will be just as polite, she thought…

Now who was there? Oh, it was Jeremy. He could be troublesome, although he didn’t really look sure if he even wanted to be out trick-or-treating this time. What tricks did he have up his sleeve this time? “If I was a prison governor…” he began. Where was he going with this? Did he need a fancy dress outfit? Was he after some role play? She shuddered at the thought…

In fact Jeremy just wanted to complain that after years of being stingy with her sweets, she still wasn’t giving out enough, even though she had promised she would this year. Theresa insisted that she was giving out plenty of sweets this time, particularly to all those nice doctors and nurses. “But what about the police?” insisted Jeremy. “You haven’t been giving enough sweets to them. And you haven’t been bringing enough chocolate into school either.” Theresa told Jeremy the same thing she told him every time he asked about it. She was giving out more sweets to everybody and that was that.

This wasn’t going well for Jeremy. He had one last chance to try a good trick on Theresa. He tried to call over his friends: “She wants to give out even more sweets to the kids who already have some. Let’s get her!” Unfortunately for Jeremy, Theresa was ready for this one. Far from helping him pull off his trick, most of his friends were happily eating up the extra candy. How could John have let him down like this? Jeremy had no choice but to slink off sheepishly on his own. He would have to have words with his friends about this later…

That wasn’t too bad, thought Theresa. Who else could turn up tonight? Boney Peter also seemed to be hankering after some fancy dress action, asking if Phil and her wanted to dress up as King and Queen of Brexitopia? Phil looked less than impressed. Cornish Steve said something about launching rockets. “As long as it’s not into my house!” she thought. But it was Amber who had brought along the real trick – threatening to douse her in some “Full English Brexit”. Theresa definitely didn’t like the sound of that. She desperately looked around for a distraction. “Oh look, there’s Peter, he’ll have it instead!” She quickly slammed the door. She was dangerously low on sweets by now but at least she had avoided any nasty tricks this Halloween. Anyway it would probably be someone else who had to worry about where to get all the sweets from next year…

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Quote of the Day

Expelled Tory MP, Richard Benyon, on the short three-day Programme Motion for the Withdrawal Agreement Bill:

“Whether you had three days, three weeks or three months debating this, you would not hear one original argument that we hadn’t otherwise heard in this process…”


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