Amid reports that CCHQ are struggling to fill their target seats, the party is offering would-be candidates the chance to spruce up their appearances with special one-on-one sessions with ‘Colour Counsellor’ Jules Standish, a “colour & style expert passionate about getting men and women into their true colours to look their best and feel good every day, by putting personalities on display and turning faults into assets”. Candidates may need more than just a colour revamp to “feel good every day” about committing to fight tough marginal seats four years out from an election…

For only £30, candidates have been offered the chance to “discover how to mindfully take control” of their image “through colour and style to ensure ultimate well-being in success”. Surely the only colour they need is blue…