F*ck PMQs

F*ck business? Well, no. F*ck PMQs? Absolutely yes. Today’s hell-fest turned horrific as Speaker Bercow intoned: “there’s unlimited time as far as I’m concerned”. Strap in

Jezza did open – as expected – with the ‘rats in a sack’ ploy: swiftly pointing out the evident disagreement within Theresa May’s cabinet on, well, just about everything nowadays (rather like every cabinet in British political history, by the way). He picked up on Boris Johnson’s reported four-letter commentary. The key weakness here is as follows: being lectured on party unity – especially regarding Brexit – by Jeremy Corbyn is like taking advice on harmony and non-violence from Tom and Jerry. Jeremy Corbyn’s shadow cabinet is not only divided on leaving the EU, but on spending plans, on the manifesto, on his leadership, on the future direction of his party and on the very definition of what the Labour Party, in its very essence, should be. The leader’s office is locked in a perpetual war with its own spokespeople. The Shadow Cabinet meeting room might as well be fitted with a revolving door: more than 100 resignations since Corbyn became leader (not to mention the sackings). Sadly, the irony of Corbyn’s critique was not conveyed. F*ck PMQs…

Wednesday lunchtime continually delivers when it comes to the utterly bizarre: this time Theresa May prayed-in-aid no less a force than Len McCluskey in a planned dig at Jezza. Adducing the hard left trade union leader to exploit Labour’s splits on Heathrow, it was a similarly bold attempt to score points out of disunity. Naturally, tiresomely, predictably – as it slipped Jez’s feeble mind / we must reiterate the glowing example of togetherness presented by the Tories on that issue. F*ck PMQs…

Jezza then attempted to continue to exploit the fabled ‘Brexit bounce’ which commentators claim now characterises his PMQs performances. He dubbed the Chequers summit a “pyjama party” – again, brazen from a man whose entirely lifetime sthick has very much been banana-in-pyjama. F*ck PMQs..

Perhaps the only hearting takeaway from this afternoon’s exchange was a victory for the campaign to fly St George’s flag from government buildings during the World Cup. Theresa May announced the Cross of St George will adorn SW1 on matchdays. Nick Boles, who made the call, fluffed his lines of slightly when referring to the “World Cup play-offs”. F*ck PMQs…

Recess looms less than a month away. PMQs for the session now enters its final iterations. There is no prospect of sudden increase in Wednesday wit. All one can look forward to do a Boris, do a Priti, do a Jezza: board a plane as quickly as possible – Airbus or otherwise. All together now. Once and for all. F*ck PMQs…




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Quote of the Day

No prizes for guessing who Andrea Leadsom is talking about:

“As you said last week, Mr Speaker, we have a responsibility to safeguard the rights of this House and as Leader of the House I seek to do exactly that, treating all members of parliament with courtesy and respect. I hope and expect all Honourable and Right Honourable members to do likewise.”

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