Lopresti Calls Cops on Tories Trying to Deselect Him

It is getting very nasty in Filton and Bradley Stoke, where Tory MP Jack Lopresti has called the police in after claiming he is the victim of a “vicious smear campaign” from members of his local association who are trying to deselect him:

“For the last month my family and I have been subject to a vicious smear campaign with racist overtones…

There have clearly been illegal data breaches where private parliamentary emails have been accessed and handed to the media. The local Conservative party has potentially also had a data breach. I have informed the police this morning and will expect them to carry out a full investigation…

I can only think that this is as a result of personal choices I have made in my private life, which some may not have approved. I love my fiance Andrea and love and am extremely proud of my young son Clifford and nobody will ever be able to change that.”

Guido understands that those attempting to deselect Lopresti sided with his ex-wife after he had an affair with Tory MP Andrea Jenkyns. All a bit Jeremy Kyle…




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Boris Johnson was shown a trophy monkey head as he toured a room of illegally-poached animals seized by Scotland Yard. He said:

“What’s this poor chap here? Faint air of a … Labour backbencher.”

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