Paul Darling QC, Chair of the Association of British Bloodsuckers (Bookmakers – Ed) (ABB), is so smooth that at the ABB 2017 AGM he said of betting shops: “In my view they are community hubs, they’re a key part of employment in the local communities, just as they are a place of vibrancy and an important opportunity to socialise for many customers.”

Let’s imagine for a second how else he might sell the betting shop experience in 2017 and it could go a little something like this…

“The diverse community hubs cater for East Londoners, Eastern Europeans, East Asians, East Africans and more, with 20 different languages on “self-service” betting terminals to assist with integration into gambling.

The bookies employ FOBTs, automated cash extraction machines, which avoid blowing the whistle on money launderers. Even when FOBTs get damaged, the machine health and safety repairs team soon get then up and running again so that the FOBTs never bother HR.

Customers socialising in these hubs include the homeless, the mentally ill, the addicts and the underage. Other customers help support the hubs through “charitable” cash donations to FOBTs from the drug-dealing, pimping, thieving, benefit fraud and tax evasion communities.

The colourful linguistic expressions of frustrated players as the FOBT speeds up roulette and creates the illusion of the spinning wheel and ball with addictive near misses, provides a unique electric vibrancy.   

There are so many local authorities who must be so happy that these hubs are clustered together. The proposal by them under the Sustainable Communities Act must surely be for a £2 minimum stake per spin on FOBTs, rather than a £2 maximum?”

Of course, 100 local authorities want the stake reduced from £100 to £2 for a reason!

Content produced and sponsored by Campaign for Fairer Gambling