Cheer Up Joyless Columnists, You Have Given Us Much Laughs

Can’t help feeling today that Rafael isn’t going to the same parties as Guido. Must be pretty tough for Rafael at the moment. He’s a centrist, liberal metropolitan political commentator. Broadsheets have an excess inventory of those type of columnists nowadays don’t they? “They write authoritatively, shame it is all bollocks” was a country-dwelling, right-of-centre columnist’s description of his rivals to Guido at a jolly Christmas drinks party. Unfortunately the lumpen liberal wordsmiths don’t go to dinner parties with Corbyn, May or Trump. Worse still they don’t even know people who go to dinner parties with Corbyn, May or Trump…

At some point they must fear that editors are going to realise that this type of columnist is a little surplus to reader requirements and not in the main game any more. Why else might Rafael, and other columnists of his ilk, be joyless?

  • He’s Blairite or whatever they call themselves nowadays. Their host party has been taken over by Corbynista loo-las.
  • He didn’t expect Brexit. Now all the wrong people are enjoying themselves and partying.
  • He was looking forward to President Hillary. She’s their kinda gal. They got Trump.
  • He’s a Guardian journalist. The paper had a billion dollar endowment to last them in perpetuity. They are now losing so much money it won’t last them a decade. Look at what happened to the Indy.

Today is the darkest day of the year, tomorrow it gets lighter. So cheer up Rafael and a hearty Merry Christmas to all the columnists who have had a very difficult and traumatic year: Zoe, Janan, Hugo, Matthew, Matthew, Phil, Philip, John, Gaby, Polly, Jonathan and Marina. You have given the rest of us unintended laughs all year long… 




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Quote of the Day

Modest advice to George Osborne from Piers Morgan on editing…

“Great columnists can make or break a paper, so hire some great ones. That means instantly firing dreary Nick Clegg, whose Standard columns are as inspiring as his broken tuition fee pledges, and hiring someone like me. Unfortunately, you can’t afford me. So go cheaper – Clarkson, Coren, or even your old mate Cameron. He’s got nothing better to do.”

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